


no matter what (i love you)

by softjily



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn, expect a lot of pain, i'm not even sorry, jilytober, this is a virtuemoir au y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-07-27 09:44:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 33,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16216460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softjily/pseuds/softjily
Summary: "When Lily’s aunt Rose introduced her to a scrawny twitchy eleven year old boy with frantic hair and glasses that were too big for his face, she certainly didn’t think she’d spend the next seventeen years beside him."orthe VirtueMoir AU no one asked for~~Jily Fandom Awards One-shot of the Year!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bellstruenorth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellstruenorth/gifts).



> hello, everyone!  
> so let me tell you a little story about a girl who became obsessed with a couple of ice dancing canadians during the Olympic Games. yeah, that's me. in little more than a week i was crazy about them, living, eating and breathing tessa virtue and scott moir. if you don't know who they are, google their gold medal moulin rouge performance and watch the magic happen. they've been skating together for 21 years and the entire world believes they're in love, so i thought "you know, why don't i write a huge jily au based on them?"  
> aaaaaaaaand here it is, hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, everyone!  
> so let me tell you a little story about a girl who became obsessed with a couple of ice dancing canadians during the Olympic Games. yeah, that's me. in little more than a week i was crazy about them, living, eating and breathing tessa virtue and scott moir. if you don't know who they are, google their gold medal moulin rouge performance and watch the magic happen. they've been skating together for 21 years and the entire world believes they're in love, so i thought "you know, why don't i write a huge jily au based on them?"  
> aaaaaaaaand here it is, hope you enjoy!

It’s the little moments, really.

The way he hugs her right after their performances – every single one. The way he gets each and every question right on these stupid newlywed games – they’re not even married! The way he just materializes beside her during warm ups – he used to scare the living shit out of her. The way he’s so nonchalant about touching her in front of the cameras – he _knows_ this only feeds the shippers. The way his hands, his eyes, are always looking for her.

It’s these things that make her feel truly sad about ending their career. She’s just so used to simply having him there with her all the time, it’s like he’s an extra limb she can’t live without. A sarcastic, cocky, annoying limb. But still, he’s essential to her.

And now they won’t be together all day every day and Lily’s been reduced to a sobbing mess as she reminisces on their time together, pictures of them throughout the years scattered around her.

Their first program together. Their first medal. Their first Olympics. Their first time getting sloshed with the gang. Hell, even that picture of when she pushed him into the ice after a very idiotic joke makes her heart ache. Seeing her angry face and his confused one makes her think of all the things they’ve been through together, how much they evolved, matured and simply became each other’s centre of gravity.

Truth is, when Lily’s aunt Rose introduced her to a scrawny twitchy eleven year old boy with frantic hair and glasses that were too big for his face, she certainly didn’t think she’d spend the next seventeen years beside him.

Really, the boy was a disaster.

“Hello, pretty lady” is the first thing he says to her, with a cocky smirk.

“Get lost, prat,” is her flippant response, wearing a glare that should have sent him running, but instead seems to make him even more determined to impress her. Lily ignores him and turns back to her aunt. “Auntie Rose, I _told_ you I only want to dance with Sev,” she whines, pulling at Rose’s shirt.

“Lily, dear. I told you Severus’ mother is pulling him out of the school.”

“But he said he’d talk to her about staying! He promised!” James just watches as Miss Evans talks her niece into dancing with him, standing there awkwardly in his brand-new skates and growing grumpier by the second. What was wrong with her? He was a _great_ skater, everybody knows this.

Finally, the girl – Lily, he thinks – stops complaining and accepts to dance with him. “Just to see if you work well together, kids,” her aunt reassures them. And of course they do. And of course this only makes Lily hate him more. Back then, she wished he’d mess up spectacularly so aunt Rose would separate them and she wouldn’t have to see his stupid face ever again.

And he did, once. A year into their – rocky – partnership, they were competing in a championship and had just ruled a risky move off, but James always wanted more and more and more and still wanted to do it.

The odds were against them: they were too young, not strong enough and needed more training. Still, James pushed and pushed until she agreed to do it.

They tried to pull it off, and he slipped, dropped her and fell. The last thing she saw before they hit the ice was Severus’ face in the crowd, looking more pleased to see James fail than concerned for his best friend being dropped in the middle of a routine.

This thought flew out of her head as she and James splashed themselves on the ice. And even though she could hear the loud crack of his head hitting the ice, his first reaction was to run to her so he could see if she was alright. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Evans" was all he kept saying to her.

His concern was so raw and genuine that for a second, she forgot how insufferable he was. In the end, he had a concussion and she had a mere bruise on her leg.

McGonagall is ready to explode at him when they get to the locker room – because of course she knew _he_ was the one pushing them to do the lift anyway – but Lily interrupts her when she sees James flinch in advance.

“Coach McGonagall, it was my fault,” she blurts out before she can process or even think about what she’s going to say. “James had agreed with you that we should give up but I just wanted to win too much. I saw the other teams and I got insecure, so I convinced him we needed the lift to win.”

McGonagall’s face is a mask of rigid eyes and hard lines. “I’m very disappointed in you, Miss Evans,” she says and the words hit its mark when Lily lowers her head in resignation. “Now both of you, get up. We have to get that concussion checked, Mister Potter.”

The two skaters get up, James trying to catch Lily’s stare as they leave, a question clear in his eyes. She just throws a sideways glance at him, shrugging lightly then facing forward again.

The drive to the hospital is not that long, but it feels like they’ve been there for days when they finally get through the doors and James gets checked in. “I’m really sorry, you know,” he mumbles to her while they wait for the doctor.

“You already said that a hundred times, Potter,” she sighs, eyes closed and head resting on the back of the sofa. She’s so tired.

“Yeah, but it’s still not enough. You shouldn’t have taken the fall for me,” he pauses. “Pun not intended.”

She opens one eye and sees he’s fighting a smile. The sight alone makes her cool facade crack and she gives him a tiny smile in return. “Please, I knew McGonagall would flip her shit with you, and I’m just too lazy to find another partner. I did it for me.”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that, Evans,” he says with a smirk as the doctor comes to get him examined.

After that, they still bickered, he was still an obnoxious arse and she was still pissed off by the pure sight of his ridiculous cocky smirk and impossible hair. But something had changed between the pair. It’s like, ironically, after he dropped her, she started to trust him more, started to finally see that skating meant as much to him as it did to her.

* * *

 

At 15, they have to leave Cokeworth and go to Hogsmeade to start professional training. Lily cried every night for months because she missed her parents and both Petunia and Severus won’t talk to her. Her relationship with Petunia had been pretty much ruined for years, but with Severus, Lily had still dared to hope he’d support her no matter what happened.

She was wrong.

“You’re going to move? And stay with that- that… with _Potter_?” Severus practically yells at her.

They’re sitting in the swings at the park near their house and Lily looks around, afraid that someone is going to hear what she already knows is going to be a big argument. She shushes him, putting on her mental gear as a preparation for another fight with her best friend.

“Yes, I am. And you knew this was coming, I told you I was serious about skating. It’s always been my dream to go to the Olympics, you know that,” she hears him scoff and frowns, a question already on her lips.

He beats her to it, his voice dripping venom. “You? And _Potter_?” Severus says in a patronizing tone. “Please, you’ll never even make it to the senior level. Just how delusional are you?”

She’s taken aback by the pure hostility in his tone, blinking rapidly to prevent tears from escaping her eyes. “Sev-“

He continues on, not even looking in her direction at all. “Evans and Potter, Britain’s dream team, huh?” he abruptly turns to her, nothing but cold disdain in his eyes. “Your sister’s right. You’re only wasting your parents’ money in vain. You two are bound to be a failure.”

Lily takes a sharp breath and rids her face of any emotion. “Well, if you really think I’m such a _failure_ , I don’t see why we have to be friends anymore. I wouldn’t want to drag you down with me when I hit rock bottom, right?” she can see his mask crack for a split second, regret flickering in his eyes. She ignores it, getting up and walking in her house’s direction.

“Where are you going, Lily?” Severus asks, still attempting to sound as cruel as he can be.

“I’m going home so I can call James and ask him to come to the rink,” she stops but doesn’t turn around to answer him. “And we’re not friends anymore, so do me a favour and call me Evans. Goodbye, _Snape_.”

She calmly walks back to her house, walking steadily and not letting a single tear fall until she gets to her room and closes the door. She quietly sobs into her pillow, deciding that this really was the last straw.

Their fights had become more and more frequent over the years, his attacks getting uglier and more vicious every time they argued. She knew, deep in her heart, that the only way he would accept their friendship was if she gave up skating entirely.

He’d truly never forgiven her for changing partners, that was the truth. He wanted her to quit skating when his mom pulled him out of their skating lessons, thinking that if she wouldn’t skate with him, she could never skate with anyone else. She tried to ignore this truth for as long as she could, but enough was enough. Lily decided right then that she would work thrice as hard to be a true champion, her focus directed entirely to training and skating.

After a while, she stops crying and just sits on her bed staring at her phone, debating whether or not she should actually call James. She sighs, deciding against it. He was probably with the boys, pulling some pranks or whatever it was they did when she wasn’t there.

Just when she sets her phone down on her nightstand, there’s a knock on the door and her mother’s head pops up from behind it.

“Lily, dear. James is here for you,” she says and waits for Lily to nod before she opens the door wider and James appears in the doorframe.

She sits up straighter on the bed and tries to smile at him as he walks into the room and her mother goes back downstairs. He notices her slightly puffy eyes and forced smile and frowns a little. “Hey, Evans. Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she says softly and she can tell he’s not convinced by her monosyllabic answer, but doesn’t press further. “What are you doing here? I thought you were with the boys or something.”

“Nah, my parents just got back from one of their business trips to Japan and they bought us something,” he closes the door and walks towards her bed, sitting at the edge of the mattress. “They told me not to open it until I was with you, so of course I immediately ran to your house.”

She smiles fondly at his eager expression. “Of course you did. I’m surprised you didn’t peek at it on the way over.”

“I tried to, but I wouldn’t be able to rewrap it after and you’d know,” he mumbles, a sheepish expression on his face.

 _He’s such a boy_ , she thinks as she laughs a little and scoots closer to him. “Okay, then. Let’s see what this mysterious gift is, then.”

He opens the little bag and pulls out two silver chains, each one with a single ice skate dangling from it. Lily lets out a soft gasp as she brings her hand up to touch the delicate pendant, tears gathering in her eyes.

James hears her sniffle and turns in her direction, a look of concern in his face. “Evans? What happened?”

“James, do you really think this is going to work out? Do you think we’re gonna make it?” she says in a small voice and he’s caught off guard at the use of his first name.

“Of course I think we’re gonna make it. Don’t you?”

“I do! It’s just-“ she cuts herself off, not wanting to verbalize what happened with Snape.

“What happened? Talk to me,” he takes her hands in his, praying that she doesn’t flinch away from his touch. She doesn’t.

She meets his gaze, trying not to cry as all of her doubts and insecurities flood her brain. “Snape told me I’m a failure- _we_ are a failure. He got angry after I told him we’re moving away and he said we’re not even gonna make it to the senior level, much less the Olympics.”

He closes his eyes, taking deep breaths and fighting the urge to leave the house and beat up that grease ball until he forgets his own name. He opens his eyes and finds Lily’s open and vulnerable, as if she really needs him to contradict everything Snape told her.

“Lily… I want you to listen to me. _Really_ listen to me,” he grips her hands tighter, the chains from the necklaces cold between their skins. “I’m asking you to delete everything he just said from your mind. He doesn’t know anything about you if he really thinks you’d settle for anything less than an Olympic medal- or that you’re not _capable_ of getting one.”

She grips his hands back, feeling relief flood her for the first time that day. “So you’re really serious about this? Us, skating together long term?”

He looks at her almost in disbelief. “Evans, what do you think I’ve been doing for the past four years? Passing the time? I’m not moving to hogsmeade for the pubs, you know.”

Her responding smile lights up the room. It’s as if, in some level, she thought she was alone in this. She surprises him by throwing her arms around his neck, hugging him to her with all her might. “Thank you, Potter. Really,” she says into his neck as he returns the hug when he recovers from the shock of being hugged by Lily Evans.

“Anytime, Evans,” he says, taking the opportunity to hug her tighter, smelling the soft scent of her lavender shampoo.

He stays there for a while longer, talking to Lily about their plans for next season, how it would be like living away from their families and friends. The whole time, the only thing James can think about is the broken look on Lily’s face when she told him what happened with Snape.

When he finally leaves, he doesn’t think twice before making his way to one of the run-down streets on Spinner’s End. He knocks heavily on the third house down the street, praying that the right person answers.

When the door opens and Snape’s face appears on the threshold, James doesn’t hesitate when he pulls back his arm and punches him in the face. Snape staggers back with a yelp, clutching his long nose as blood streams out of it.

James grabs him by the collar of his shirt before slamming his frail figure against the wall, his face getting threateningly close to Snape's. “ _Stay away from her_ ,” he says in a low, cold voice. “You hear me? If I ever find out you so much as _breathed_ the same air as her, I swear I’ll kill you,” he finishes, releasing the pale boy with a hard push.

Snape’s shocked expression fades into his usual disdainful scowl. He doesn’t say anything as James gives him one last cold look before turning and leaving.

* * *

 

When the time comes for Lily and James to move, she does so with a new determination in her mind, surrendering her body and soul to her dream and passion for skating.

It’s then that she starts to lean on James the most.

“Potter, are you awake?” whispers Lily, knocking on his hotel door. It’s the night before their first competition of the season and she can’t sleep.

She knocks a couple more times and gives up, crossing the hall back to her own room. Just as she gets inside it, James’ own door opens and he steps into the hallway through the door frame, bleary eyed and pulling a shirt through his head.

“Evans, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” he inquires after taking a look at her red eyes.

Now that he’s really here, she feels silly about waking him up in the middle of the night. “It’s nothing, I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“You’re crying, so it’s clearly something. C’mon, you can talk to me. Tell me what happened,” her opens his door wider, inviting her in.

She hesitates for a moment then walks into the room. He closes the door and sits on the bed, tapping the space beside him for her to sit. She shakes her head, though, choosing to remain standing. He shrugs and motions for her to start talking.

“Petunia hates me,” she blurts out.

He frowns at her, trying to understand how someone could hate the wonderful girl standing in front of him. “Why?”

“I called my parents earlier to ask if everything was set for them to come tomorrow, but she’s the one who picked up. She told me I was selfish for wasting mum and dad’s money on a silly dream like being an elite athlete. She said I should forget about it, focus on studying and getting a job so I could stop sucking our family savings,” she already feels the tears gathering in her eyes again. “When I told her that I was not giving up, she called me a bitch and told me she hoped I failed. _God_ , this is Snape all over again,” she was sobbing by then, barely able to get the last words out.

James gets up and pulls her into his chest. It takes some time, but eventually she gives into the hug, locking her arms around his torso and burying her face into his chest. They stay like this for a few minutes until she starts to calm herself and pulls out of their embrace.

“I’m sorry about the mess, Potter,” she says, wiping her eyes.

“As long as you know that nothing your sister said is true, I won’t care about you slobbering all over my shirt,” he smiles at her and she manages to give him a tiny wet smile in return. “You’re an amazing skater. Not better than me, ‘cause I’m the best, but you’re simply awesome and there’s no way you’re taking advantage of your parents _or_ becoming a failure, you hear me?” she gives him a weak nod and lets him pull her into the direction of his hotel bed.

They sit on the bed and share a comfortable silence until James breaks it. “I couldn’t sleep, either.”

“Why, found a long-lost sibling to fight with?” she says with a sarcastic laugh.

He lets out a chuckle and bumps his shoulder with hers. “No, idiot. I miss my folks.”

“God, me too. I feel like running into my dad’s arms. He gives the best hugs, you know.”

“Now _that’s_ a lie. Everyone knows my mum gives the best hugs in the universe.”

“Absolutely not! I’ve hugged your mum and she’s close, but my dad’s still the best hugger. I don’t make the rules.”

He makes an indignant sound, looking at her with a skeptical expression. “You’re entitled to your wrong opinion, Evans.”

“Shut up, you know I’m right,” she laughs and looks at the clock on the bedside table. “Oh my God, it’s already 3 a.m.! How are we supposed to skate tomorrow?”

“It’s your fault, Evans,” he tries really hard not to laugh at her confused expression. “You’re the one who decided you had the hots for me in the middle of the night! How could I turn a damsel in distress down?”

“Ha ha ha, very funny, Potter. I’m serious now, we have to sleep,” she gets up from the bed and opens the door. Before she closes it, she turns around and faces him. “Thank you. For helping me tonight. I’d still be crying if it weren’t for you.”

“Anytime, Evans. Next time I’ll demand a goodnight kiss, though.”

Lily rolls her eyes and closes the door, feeling much lighter now.

This becomes a common occurrence for them. Whenever one of them has trouble sleeping, they’ll knock on the other’s door to talk and discuss their problems. He’s still an insufferable prat, but she wouldn’t have been able to get through these big changes without him. He keeps her centred.

Of course, if you ask James, he’s definitely going to say you got it backwards. She’s his rock, and even if she didn’t know it yet, she’s his other – better – half.

Naturally, they have other friends. They made new ones, too. James had the Marauders and Lily had the girls. Remus, Peter and Dorcas stayed in Cokeworth to finish their schooling, but Marlene and Sirius moved to hogsmeade around the same time as James and Lily to pursue their respective sports careers. That’s when they met Alice and Frank, too.

But still, even being surrounded by that many people, James was still the only one who _really_ understood what she was going through and was still the first person she felt she could dump all of her emotional baggage on. She really couldn’t have done this without him.

Slowly, her emotional scars start to fade. She replaces bitter words for reassuring ones, relying on her newfound family to help and care for her in this path.

* * *

 

They’ve been training in Hogsmeade for almost three months when James starts to notice.

He’d always known Lily was beautiful, had been saying he would marry her since they were eleven – he tried to propose when they were twelve, but she said she’d rather marry a giant squid. But he had never stopped to really _look_ at her before.

He’s just arrived at the rink, getting out of his host mother’s car, when he sees Lily getting off a bus. She looks like a walking cushion, with several jackets, gloves and a scarf pulled around her face, leaving only her emerald green eyes visible. She jogs up to him as he opens the door to the lobby, eyeing the two coffees in his hand eagerly.

“Please tell me one of these is for me,” is the first thing out of her mouth, the sound muffled as she starts to unwrap the scarf from her neck.

“Good morning to you too, Lily! I’m fine, thanks for asking, you’re such a considerate partner! What, these? Oh no these two definitely are only for me, not for my rude partner,” he teases her, holding both coffees above his head and watching as she jumps up and down trying to reach it.

After a few tries she just stops and crosses her arms, pouting like a little girl as he doubles over laughing. Lily takes the opportunity and grabs the coffee, turning to run immediately in the locker room’s direction. James instantly starts to run after her, managing to tackle the redhead just as they cross the door to the locker room. They struggle for a moment, bumping into random lockers as Lily hugs the coffee cup to her chest and James tries to pry it off her fingers.

“Just- _let it go, James_!” she’s already out of breath.

“No, no, no! You can’t just take it from me! Where are your manners, Evans?” they’re both so caught up on their struggle that they don’t notice the other skaters staring at them with various degrees of amusement and mild shock – in the case of the younger ones. Alice is the first one to clear her throat, startling the pair out of their bubble. Lily loosens her hold on the cup just as James tugs it and coffee explodes all over both of them.

That’s when the rest of the room loses it, snickering as the junior star skaters stand there soaked in hot coffee and try to desperately look presentable and unaffected by what just happened.

“Well, then. I guess you both got the coffee,” says Frank, trying – and failing – to keep his laughter in.

“Ha ha, really fucking funny, Longbottom,” James says, still trying to clean his glasses, which are sticky from the sugar-filled coffee.

“Alright, you clowns. You can go now, we’ve got to clean up,” says Lily in a tone that leaves no room for discussion. The room slowly clears of the giggling skaters as she and James move towards the sinks to try and clean themselves before practice. “This is your fault, you know,” she tries to sound grumpy and disapproving, but he can see the smile she’s trying to keep from the surface.

“Weren’t you the one stealing coffee from defenseless ice dancers?” he sounds genuinely curious as he washes his lenses and looks at her without actually seeing anything other than a big blur of dark red.

“You know damn well that you got it for me. It had my name in it!”

He finally manages to put his glasses back on and properly looks at her now, mascara smudged under her beautiful eyes, hair a tangled mess full of coffee and a stained shirt sticking to her torso. She looks absolutely ridiculous and completely gorgeous.

He must stare at her for a little too long, because next thing he knows, she’s snapping her fingers in front of his face. “Oi, Potter! Did the coffee get into your brain or something?”

He blinks and shakes his head, putting on his signature cocky smirk and trying to act cool. “Well, _Evans_. You know you’re not the only Lily in the world, right?”

She narrows her eyes at him. “Oh, yeah? So who’s the other Lily, then?”

“Um… Lily…” he struggles to find a name to support his obvious lie. “Lily Flower,” he proudly decides on.

“ _Really_ ,” he’s physically struggling to keep his laughter in now. “And where is Miss Flower, then?”

“Well, you know. She must have seen the way you so recklessly stole her coffee and probably fled the country to be away from a cruel woman such as you.”

She presses her lips together trying to remain serious but can’t hold the laughter anymore when she sees him crack first. They have to hold onto the sinks in front of them as they explode in a fit of giggles.

Eventually they calm themselves down, wiping tears from their eyes as they struggle to get their breathing back to normal. It’s moments like these that make Lily feel happy about where she is right now. They had a rocky start, sure. But James has really become indispensable to her, and she’s glad she got over herself and decided to give him a chance after all.

The moment is interrupted when McGonagall loudly opens the locker room door, looking at them with an impatient and annoyed scowl.

“Miss Evans, what is happening here? I have been waiting for you two at the rink for the past ten minutes,” she says in a stern tone.

Lily flushes a bit, hating to be the subject of McGonagall’s disapproving stare. “We… had a bit of an accident here. We were just cleaning up,” she checks the mirror again, sees that her hair’s still a mess and shrugs. “Well, it’s not getting much better than that. Let me just change my shirt and I’ll be right there.”

“Yeah… sorry, Minnie,” Lily elbows James on the ribs, knowing that the nickname will only worsen their coach’s mood. McGonagall indeed hardens her face but doesn’t say anything as she looks at them one last time and closes the door.

“When will you learn not to call her Minnie?” Lily says, going to collect their dropped bags near the locker room’s entrance.

“Aw, c’mon Lily. She’s known me practically since I was a baby, I’m not calling her McGonagall,” he says, leaning against the sink as he watches her drag their bags towards the benches. “And you know she secretly loves it.”

“Maybe, but not when she’s in a mood,” she goes through his bag and throws him a clean white shirt before going through hers and getting one for herself.

James hums and tries not to stare as she gets off her dirty shirt and stands there with her back turned to him wearing a sports bra. It’s not like it’s an unusual thing for them to do, change in front of each other. They’ve been partners for almost five years, of course they’ve seen each other in their underpants at some point in time.

Lily looks in the mirror again, tying her hair up in a high ponytail before turning to him. “Alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go,” he pulls at her ponytail before walking to the locker room entrance, not missing the way she rolls her eyes at him with a fond expression on her face.

* * *

It’s early march and James, Sirius and Remus are hanging on the training centre lounge area while Lily finishes choosing their new outfit for the upcoming Worlds Championships.

“Mate, I love you, but if I have to hear you comment on how beautiful Lily looked at today’s fitting one more time, I’m gonna _have_ to kill you. You understand it’s my only option right now, right?” some variation of that is said at least once a week by Sirius.

“You’ve been making that same threat for six years, Padfoot. I think it’s lost its touch about two years ago.”

“Shh Remus, he didn’t know that.”

The whole exchange happens and doesn’t get a single reaction from the messy haired ice dancer. He’s looking at a random fixed point, apparently lost in thought.

Sirius, realising his friend has drifted off, tries to get his attention. “Oi, Prongs! C’mon, throws us a bone here. Remus is never here, don’t waste your precious time with the legendary Marauders sulking around.”

James snaps out of his trance, feeling guilty for not giving his friends the attention they deserve.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he swipes a hand through his hair, straightening himself from his slumped position on the armchair. “What do you say we get something to eat? Burgers, or some burritos.”

“Thank God you said that, I’m _starving_ ,” says Sirius, already halfway through the entrance hall before he even finishes his sentence.

As they make their way out, Lily comes out of the locker room in full winter gear. It’s ironic how she’s an ice skater but doesn’t really like the cold all that much. Most of the time she won’t leave home or anywhere else without a jacket on.

She hears the boys before she actually sees them, the group being loud as usual. She approaches them from behind. “Hey boys, where are you going? I’m starving, what do you say we go eat some pizza? My treat.”

James, hearing her voice, swings around and makes a big show of lifting her in the air by the waist and acting as if he hasn’t seen her in years. “OH MY GOD LILY I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE! HOW DID YOU ESCAPE?”

She can only laugh at his ridiculous reaction. “Put me down, you idiot!”

He lowers her to the ground with a laugh. “Did you and Minnie _finally_ decide on our new outfit for the finals?”

“We narrowed it down to two options and decided we’re coming back tomorrow and I’m trying them on again so we can make the final decision. Your presence is required, they want to see us side by side with the outfits,” she says with an apologetic look in her eyes. She knows he hates costume fittings, he gets too antsy from having to stand quiet for a long time.

James groans, tired of all the fuss around simple clothes. “Just promise me it won’t take 5 hours again, please?”

“You know I can’t promise you that, McGonagall will settle for nothing but perfection, even if it means we have to suffer for hours.”

Sirius had been watching the two talk and realised James was, once again, getting sucked into Lily-world, forgetting about the rest of the world when she’s with him. “Okay you two, wrap it up. I’m freezing my pretty ass, let’s get out of here.”

“So… about that pizza?”

“Sorry, Evans. We had other plans in mind. Maybe next time, ‘kay?”

It all happens so quickly that Lily can only watch as Sirius drags James and Remus away with him, the latter throwing a weak “bye, Lils” and an apologetic smile her way. James tries to turn around but she can see Sirius’ arm tighten around him, keeping him from doing so.

She wonders what this was about, feeling a little hurt by their dismissal. She sighs, turning around and dialling Marlene’s number to see if she’s up for pizza too.

* * *

Later this afternoon, the boys are at James’ room trying to study for their school finals, each one sprawled in some corner of the room.

James sighs and messes up his hair for the sixth time before Sirius loses his patience. “Prongs, I’m gonna throw you out the fucking window if you don’t stop brooding right this second.”

It’s all the excuse the boys needed to drop their textbooks and forget studying. James sighs a seventh time and flops down on the bed. “Shut up, Padfoot. I’m trying to think here.”

“You _should_ be thinking about the finals, but go on,” Remus mumbles under his breath, already sensing that they’re not going to get any more studying done for today.

“James, you’re 16- almost 17. You should be enjoying life and hooking up with girls, not brooding over one,” Sirius’ voice is muffled by the pillow he threw over his head.

“Look, I _know_ , ok? I know. But Lily isn’t some random girl I just met. We’ve known each other for almost five years, I can’t mess this up.”

“I hate to agree with Padfoot, and you know I love Lily, but you have to do something. This is gonna affect your skating sooner or later,” intervenes Remus.

James scoffs, letting out a dry laugh. “Moony, you do realise all of our skates are love stories, right? If anything, this is good because I don’t have to _pretend_ to be in love with her. Our acting coach loves me.”

“Well, I think you should confess. You’re a good match,” Peter pipes in, only paying half attention as he tries to solve a problem in his math textbook.

“Yeah, ignore little Pete. This is a disaster waiting to happen,” Sirius says, elbowing Peter on the ribs and giving Remus an exasperated look.

“We can’t tell you what to do, Prongs. We just don’t think you’re completely happy with this situation. The minute she gets into your line of sight, you’re the happiest man alive, but as soon as she leaves you’re back to your gloomy pining self. That’s not happiness and you know it.”

“Yeah, I agree with Moony. How long are you going to keep this up? It’s like you’ve put your whole life on pause just waiting for her to love you,” Peter gives up on studying, tossing his book aside.

They look at him, waiting for a response. James just closes his eyes and sighs for the eighth time.

* * *

The next day, James is entering the ice rink when he hears Lily’s loud laugh. He looks around, trying to locate her fiery red hair before finally finding her.

She’s leaning against the boards, talking to some guy he’s never seen before. He watches as he says something that makes her throw her head back and laugh again. Jealousy starts to grow inside him as he makes his way towards the pair, his skates hitting the floor with a little more force than was normal.

Lily sees James coming over her company’s shoulder and greets him. “Hey, James! You’re here early,” she says with an easy smile that throws him off a bit. _God, she’s breathtaking without even trying._

Even so, his response comes off dry. “Yeah, I wanted to go over some moves by myself before practice. I wanted to call you but I assumed you were studying.”

Her smile wavers a little at his cool tone. “Nah, you and I had the same idea. It’s good, though! We can do a little extra practice together instead.”

James nods in agreement, eyeing the boy standing between him and his – skating – partner with an ounce of disdain. “And you are?”

“Amos Diggory. You must be James, huh?” he shakes James’ hand, earning only a curt nod as a response. “Lily here was telling me all about your little partnership.”

“Really?” James raises his eyebrows, flickering his eyes to Lily before returning the cold stare to Amos.

“Yeah, she was.”

Lily feels the need to intervene when she sees the boys start a staring competition. “Hey, Amos. We gotta practice, so I guess I’ll see you later?”

He breaks his stare and throws her a grin. “You sure will, Miss Evans,” he says in a smooth voice, kissing her hand and walking away without a second glance at James.

The pair of skaters watch him go until James turns to Lily, an unreadable expression on his face. “Who _was_ that?”

“Amos Diggory, he just told you that.”

“He told me his name, Lily. Not who he is.”

“Oh, he’s a hockey player. Apparently he’s the new goalie in Sirius’ team,” that gets no reaction other than another curt nod, so she changes the subject. “Okay, wake up and let’s start with warmups so I can help you with your moves.”

He nods _again_ , taking off his blade guards and entering the ice. His stance is all wrong, shoulders rigid and legs moving in a robotic manner. Lily stares at him for a bit, debating whether to ask him what’s wrong.

He starts warming up without her and she decides against it, knowing his mood would only worsen if she did. She sighs, knowing it will be a long and useless practice as long as James is in this mood.

* * *

After that, James does the only thing he knows he shouldn’t: he isolates Lily.

It’s gradual, because at first he doesn’t want to give up what they have, but by the time they’re ready to perform he’s so angry at himself for letting this happen that he just closes himself off in a corner and glares at anyone who dares approach him. He sees the look of hurt and confusion on Lily’s face whenever she tries to approach him but gets cut off.

It only makes him hate himself more.

When it’s their turn, she approaches him so they can talk like they always do before their programs, but he brushes right past her, entering the ice without even waiting for her to join him. She runs to catch up with him, wanting to at least pretend they’re okay for the cameras.

She grabs his arm, feeling it tense up beneath her hand and forces a fake smile to mask the annoyance rising up in her chest. “James, what the fuck?” she whispers to him and gets no response. He just skates them over to the centre of the ice and gets into position. He doesn’t look at her once.

In the few seconds left before their music starts, she tries to catch his eye in a last desperate attempt to connect with her partner. He refuses to meet her stare, instead looking at a place above her head.

Lily struggles to get in character, all of the acting lessons her parents paid for fly out of her head and she’s sure she looks like she’s in pain. Their program music sounds like their death sentence when it fills the arena.

To say they were a mess is an understatement. James trips and Lily misses her cues twice. Not to mention that their twizzles are completely out of sync. When they’re done, she can feel the crowd’s shock. They were the country’s favourites to win the title. They’d been defending champions for the last two years and this was their last one as Junior contestants. They were supposed to go out with a bang.

James seems to become even angrier and won’t even look in her direction, while Lily is so confused she doesn’t even know how she manages to get through the robotic motions of bowing to the audience. She can only stare at her James trying to understand what the hell had just happened.

They skate over to the boards and can’t bear to look at coach McGonagall as she hands them their jackets and blade guards. They already knew what would be staring back at them: complete and utter disappointment.

The results come and it’s their season’s worst score. Lily tries to smile for the cameras, but McGonagall and James don’t manage to hide their respective disappointment and anger.

When it’s over, they get dragged to the locker room and sit on a bench side by side. McGonagall just stands in front of them and stares at the pair. They feel like little kids again.

“Would any of you care to explain to me what just happened out there?” she asks, with a voice that carries no emotion at all.

Her question is met with silence. They’re too embarrassed to even begin to think about answering.

“Well, seeing as neither of you are willing to explain yourselves, allow me to. What the audience and the judges witnessed out there was utter embarrassment. I would like both of you to think long and hard about this throughout the week. There will be no practices and you are free to do as you please for the next seven days. I, of course, expect both of you to return to training with a different mindset than the one you had today." They nod silently. "The season is over. We will, however, maintain our scheduled practices, but only after you have had time to think that this presentation may possibly cost your future. The two of you must commit to this, find yourselves and the connection you share, before you even _think_ about taking the ice again." She finishes with a serious tone before leaving.

Silence fills the room as they sit beside each other for a few moments.

“Would you please just say something?” Lily practically screams at James after minutes have passed.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Oh, really? You’re gonna play the oblivious card on me of all people? Please, you’re smarter than this.”

“We messed up, it happens. We just need to train harder next time.”

“No, James. _You_ messed up. You’ve been messing up for days now. Pushing me away, avoiding me, brooding all over the place and you’re not telling me why!” she’s breathless by the time she finishes talking, tears welling up in her eyes.

He tries to hold off his distant attitude, seemingly not bothered by anything she said. It’s only when he hears her repressed sob that he turns to stare into her tear-filled eyes. “I’m sorry, Lils. I really am. I know I’m the problem, but I just can’t take it anymore, I-”

“What? Me? Skating? You want to stop?” her eyes plead at him to just open up to her.

“NO!” the word seems to explode out of him. “No, Lily. Please, I would never abandon you like that.”

“I’ve been feeling pretty abandoned for the past weeks, so I would really appreciate it if you’d just try to explain to me what the hell has been happening to you,” she demands, hating the way her voice breaks at the end.

He just stares at her for a few seconds. She looks confused and hurt and he can’t handle seeing her beautiful green eyes marred with tears, can’t handle being the reason these tears are there in the first place.

So he takes a deep breath, prepares do to the thing that will most likely ruin them. “I think I’m in love with you,” he lets out a nervous chuckle, raking a hand through his hair. “Actually, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you. And I needed to take a step back from us, from you. The timing was shite, I know. I’m stupid and I lost us that fucking gold medal,” he stares at her for a couple of seconds, sees only confusion staring back at him. “Lily, I’m sorry, but I need to breathe. I’m really sorry,” he says, already getting up to leave.

Lily can only stare in shock as he leaves. What was that? What was she supposed to do? What were _they_ supposed to do? Perhaps McGonagall was right. They really need some time to sort things out.

She stays there in the locker room for a few minutes, eyes closed and head resting on the wall behind her. Eventually, she changes out of her costume and gathers her equipment, thinking about how her day tomorrow is going to be even more tiring than this one was.

As she leaves through the athletes’ exit, she hears a voice coming from the shadows under a column who sends a cold shiver down her spine.

“I told you he’d screw things up, huh?” says Snape, stepping into the light.

“Don’t you think you overdid it with the drama there? Stepping out of the shadows and all that jazz?” comes her apathetic response.

His expression becomes one of bitter disdain as he takes a step further in her direction. “I see you’re still caught in his spell, taking up his habits, even after what just happened in there.”

“I swear to God if you take one more step towards me I’m gonna scream _bloody_ murder, Snivellus.”

A flicker of hurt passes over his face but his spiteful scowl goes back into place so fast it was like it was never there. “Don’t worry, Evans,” he spits the word like it’s a dirty insult. “I’ll stay out of your way and focus on the _real_ champions.”

“Still working with Black and Malfoy, I see,” her voice is heavy with criticism.

“Of course I am. You really think I’d pass up the opportunity to work with the future of skating?”

“I’d rather be a laughingstock than stoop so low as to use doping and bribery to win.”

“They’re winning anyway and here you are: the nation’s very own laughingstock,” he says with a winning smile when he saw he hit her where it hurt. “I’m going to stop wasting my time with scum now, I’ve got actual important people to see.”

When he the door closes after him, Lily presses her back against a column and has to take some deep breaths to calm herself down. She really can’t believe he’s that bad now. Has he always been like this? How could you be friends with someone and not know how dark they were?

She goes to meet their parents when she’s steadied herself, trying to take Snape out of her mind for good. James. She has to focus on her and James and what to do next.

* * *

So Lily goes back home with her parents, who are thrilled to have her there so they can catch up and spend some time with their daughter. The problem is that said daughter seems to have lost her spark after the World Championship. She often isolates herself in her old room in silence or listening to Billy Joel and won’t even retaliate when her sister attacks her.

“So, little ice princess came running back home with her tail between her legs after messing up the Worlds, huh?” taunts Petunia, barging into Lily’s room sometime in the middle of the week. She’s been looking for a fight since Lily had gotten back from Moscow.

Lily can only sigh and bury herself further into her cocoon of blankets. “Just go away, Petunia.”

“What, lost your nerve now that you’re a national joke?” she says with disdain, hoping to get a fight out of her younger sister.

It doesn’t work. Lily stays silent, protected by her blankets and just prays that her monster of a sister leaves her alone for once.

Petunia just continues to leer at Lily until she grows tired of waiting for a reaction, huffing and leaving the room banging the door shut.

Lily sighs again and thanks the heavens for finally being alone again. She has one week to make up her mind and try to fix things between her and James.

What if they never find balance again? They can’t date, certainly not now when they have to focus on skating and getting back on the top. It just isn’t a possibility. Not to mention the fact that she doesn’t actually _want_ to be in a relationship with James Potter, not at all. Right?

There’s a knock on her bedroom door and her mom comes in wearing a worried expression at the sight of her youngest daughter in bed for the third day in a row. “Hello there, little champion,” she says softly, sitting on the edge of Lily’s single bed.

“I’m not a champion, mom. Haven’t you heard? I’m a national joke.”

“How many times have I told you not to listen to your sister? You are a champion. This was just a bump in the long and successful road you and James are going through,” she kisses her daughter’s forehead. “Now come down to the kitchen, I’ve made blueberry pancakes just for you.”

Lily groans a bit but eventually gets up and follows her mother. She hadn’t realised she missed her parents so much up until now. It makes her sad that they don’t see each other often, and she often finds herself wishing she could repay them for all the sacrifices they’ve made – and continue to make – so she can pursue her dream. When she tells her mother this, her response brings tears to Lily’s eyes.

“Oh, honey. The biggest gift you could ever give us would be to achieve that dream. Be a champion, be the best skater this world has ever seen. In our eyes you already are, but what about you? How do you see yourself?”

She stays silent, keeping the answer to herself. She knows she’s capable of being the best, but not alone. No, her strength comes from James. She could never do it without him. Heck, at this point she can’t even visualize herself skating with anyone else in the world. She suddenly wishes this week will be over already so they can talk.

* * *

James’ parents took off right after talking to him at the Worlds venue. They tried to console him and assure him that he was still the best and this was just a bad episode, but he’s only half listening to them the entire time. In the end, they have to get back to their business trip in Monaco and leave him be for the time being.

The trip back home is brutally silent. McGonagall had, as always, booked Lily and James’ seats right beside each other. The two-hour plane flight from Moscow to London feels a lot longer than that, and he doesn’t know who’s more relieved when they land in british soil: him, Lily, or McGonagall, who could feel their tension and kept giving them both the side-eye during the entire duration of the plane ride.

The minute he gets home, he feels empty. On one side, he’s happy to be left alone for now, seeing as he needs to get his head in the right place and think about what is best for both him and Lily. On the other side, he already misses her. God, how he misses Lily.

Lily. He just had to mess everything up with her. What if she decides to leave him and find another partner? What if she decides that it was just too risky to trust him to keep his feelings in check after everything that happened before, during and after Worlds? He can’t risk it. He has to prove to her that anything like that will never happen again. He can be mature and respect their professional partnership.

He gets a text from Sirius, saying he’s sorry about what happened and asking him if he wants some company in Cokeworth. As much as he loves Sirius, though, he knows he has to do this alone and sort out his feelings by himself.

He spends the week exercising and thinking, going on long runs across his parents’ estate and popping by the rink to skate until his legs can’t hold him up anymore.

Everyday when he gets home, he stares at his phone, the background photo staring right back at him. It’s a selfie Lily took of them right before their first Grand Prix Final. He’s making a funny face and showing off his suspenders while she makes an exaggeratedly impressed face.

His whole life. His whole life is Lily and skating, in that order. He doesn’t know _who_ to be outside of these two things. He’s not sure he wants to know, either.

So when the week is up, he’s made up his mind and his only objective is to fix things and prove to Lily that will get through this and that he will never let her down like this again. He’s going to be seventeen in a couple of weeks, he can act like a mature adult. He has to.

* * *

Lily spent the entire week mulling over what she would say to James once they met again at the end of the week. The only logical conclusion was to ask him to ignore his feelings and focus on the sport, selfish as she felt asking him to do something like that. She couldn’t – wouldn’t – find another partner. James was it, she couldn’t even imagine sharing the bond they shared with anyone else but him.

She gets back to Hogsmeade and texts him, asking him to meet her at the old playground near their school.

When she arrives, he’s already there, which startles her, seeing as she herself arrived almost an hour before the arranged time. She stops for a moment, looking at him before he notices she’s there. He looks determined, like he’s ready for war and won’t leave without putting up a good fight to get what he came for.

She thinks she stays there for hours, looking at him and trying to find it in herself to just take these final steps forward and face her best friend. In fact, she only stands there for a couple of minutes before he looks up and sees her.

Her body comes alive with nerves and expectation when they lock eyes. It feels like it’s been years since they’ve seen each other. His eyes follow her as she makes her way towards him until she takes a seat at the low swing next to him.

“Hi,“ she says softly.

He gives her a small, hesitant smile. “Hey, Lils.”

She smiles back at him, realising how much she missed this boy during that one week they spent apart. She takes a deep breath, preparing to expose all of the facts and logical reasons why they can’t even think about opening this side of their lives. Does he even know how many skating pairs have been broken up by teenage hormones?

Before she can even get a syllable out, James cuts her off and takes the lead in the conversation.

“I know, I know I’m an asshole. But before you say anything, let me talk. I wanted to apologize again. I know I’m the worst partner ever and this whole week all I could think about was how much I let you down at Worlds. You’re supposed to trust me, to have no doubt within you that if you jump, I’ll catch you. We made a commitment years and years ago and I promised you I’d never let you down again,” he was breathless but he needed to prove to her he could still be the best partner, the only partner for her.

“So I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I should have been mature and I should have put my feelings aside. Which is what I’m doing now. We have to focus on skating, on getting to the Olympics in four years, on being champions. It was our dream when we were eleven-year-old kids and it’s our dream now, and all I want to do is help you reach that dream. If not for me, I have to do it for you,” they stare at each other, James with determination and Lily with a look of mild confusion on her green eyes. He pulls out the necklace he never takes off out of his shirt collar and holds the silver blade out to her. “This is what’s important, Lily. Our dream. Skating, and gold. That’s what I’m willing to focus on from now on.”

It was… exactly what she was planning to tell him. But strangely, instead of being happy they were on the same page, Lily feels a little out of balance and with a vague sense of disappointment. Maybe she’s still just afraid of them not making it, of having lost their connection. Yeah, that’s it.

James sees the look on her face and takes it as hesitation, so he inclines his swing in her direction, looking deep into her eyes. “Like I said when we were kids, I’ll be the perfect partner. I swear it to you.”

His proximity takes her out of her hazy stupor, so she returns his stare. “You know you’re my best friend, right? There’s literally no one in the world I trust more than I trust you,” he smiles tentatively and nods his head. “And that’s why I wouldn’t want to go on with anyone else. It’s you or nothing. You’re an ass, but I can’t do it without you. But you have to stick to your words, we have to focus on winning all day every day.”

His eyes soften while he nods again. He gets up to pull her into a proper hug, kissing the top of her head.  “I’ll be the best partner ever, Lils. Believe me.”

She believes him, with her whole being. She nods her head into his chest, a couple of tears gathering in her eyes. She feels him tense up a bit, feeling the wetness of her tears seeping into his shirt, but she only hugs him closer. These are happy tears. They made it through, and she just wants to hold on for as long as she can.

The next day, coach McGonagall arrives at the rink and is taken aback when she sees James and Lily spinning around on the ice, laughing in a way she hadn’t seen them do in weeks. She sighs in relief, a little smile on her face as she watches the pair skate for a few minutes to the pop song playing on the stereo.

For the first time that week, she feels like she can breathe properly. She has been coaching them since they were little kids, taking care of them when they were away from their families. Nothing could make her happier than the sight in front of her, two kids doing what they love to do, _together._

* * *

_Winter Olympics, 4 years later_

The rink is a mess of skaters zooming past each other at top speed during warmup. Everybody wants to show their competitors what they’re capable of before the individual event the next day.

James and Lily are going through one of the trickier step sequences when they hear the scraping sound of blades on ice dangerously near them.

James instinctively grabs Lily, pulling her to him in a defensive position and glowering in the direction of the two blonde heads skating away from them. She grabs onto his arms when she feels him start to move in their direction.

“James, no,” she hisses into his ear.

“It’s the fourth time in less than an hour, how long are they going to keep this up?” he hisses in return.

She grabs his hand and starts to pull him towards the boards, where McGonagall, Remus and Peter are waiting for them. Their coach has a dark look on her face, looking as if she’s ready to get on the ice and strangle Lucius and Narcissa with her bare hands.

“I have already reserved a rink downtown for you tonight, I will meet you there at eight o’clock. Rest,” she says and briskly walks away.

“Phew. I don’t wanna be the next person she crosses paths with,” whistles Peter without looking up from his phone.

James huffs out a breath and lets his head drop, angrily running his fingers through his hair.

Lily leans against the wall beside him and accepts the water Remus offers her. “Let’s try to keep our heads straight. That’s exactly what they want, okay? To destabilize us.”

James lets out a dry laugh. “Yeah, ‘cause it’s not enough to know they’ve got the judges at the palm of their hands with all the checks Riddle’s signing.”

“They’re confident _because_ of that. They think they have the gold guaranteed, which is why you need to keep focused and not lose your head, James,” Remus gets into coach mode, trying to get James to calm down.

The skater takes some deep breaths, feeling some of the tension leave his body as Lily puts a hand on his shoulder, massaging the stress away. “Okay, I’m okay now.”

“Good, try to keep it that way,” Remus says and looks around. “Hey, where’s Padfoot?”

“I think he’s with Marlene at the hockey venue,” says Lily. “He didn’t want to be here and see his family anymore than he already has to,” she motions forward with her head, pointing at the other side of the arena where Walburga and Bellatrix stood by the boards.

“I heard Regulus is using drugs. Doping,” Remus says quietly, leaning his shoulder against the wall beside Lily.

James lets out a stream of profanity, remembering everything Sirius went through before the Potter family took him in. “What Orion didn’t get with one son, he got with the other. Thank God he didn’t make the team this year.”

Peter puts his phone down. “Why?”

“Because they already caught three cases of doping this year, for one. And there’s the whole thing with doping being a bad thing and all,” Lily deadpans.

Peter shrugs, looking unconvinced. “Well, it’s only bad if you get caught. And you have to be really dumb to get caught,” three pairs of incredulous eyes stare back at him, and he frowns in response. “What?”

They all exchange a look before James speaks. “Did you hear what you just said? ‘Cause I heard you say that using doping is no big deal as long as you don’t get caught.”

Peter shrugs again. “Yeah, and?”

Remus runs a hand through his face. “Peter, there’s a reason doping is against the rules. It’s a disrespect to the sports community. It allows lazy and incompetent athletes to win instead of athletes that _actually_ worked hard to win.”

“Yeah, but if they get higher marks, it means they’re better. So that’s not a problem, in my opinion.”

James and Lily are still staring at him like they don’t know him. James looks ready to punch Peter. She his body language and once again takes his hand, pulling him up. “Now is not the time, James. We have to rest and focus,” he resists at first, wanting to get to the bottom of the conversation, but eventually relaxes and lets her lead him out of the arena.

Remus stays silent and refuses to look at Peter as he gathers all the gear scattered around them. The confused expression doesn’t leave Peter’s face as he watches Remus sling the sports bag over his shoulder and leave without another word.

* * *

It isn’t until this moment that Lily _really_ starts to believe they can do it. Which is ironic, because they are literally about to step on Olympic ice for their final free dance.

 **“** Come here, Lils,” says James, pulling her into a hug before they take the ice. They sink into one another, feeling their bodies fit together and their breaths sync. Then Remus taps Lily on her shoulder, hating to interrupt their moment but saying it’s time to get on the ice.

The pair steps into the rink and does a couple of laps as their names are announced to the public and the crowd cheers them on.

They position themselves on top of the Olympic rings, looking down at them and waiting for the first notes to ring across the arena.

_There is a house built out of stone_

_Wooden floors, walls and window sills_

They start with her back pressed into his chest, his hand flying to grip her middle before she turns to him, grasping his face in her hands and skating backwards, pulling him along with her through the motions.

_Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust_

_This is a place where I don't feel alone_

_This is a place where I feel at home_

The melody starts to pick up as they go through their first lift, a beautiful fluid moment that starts with her going limp in his arms and ends with her on his shoulder, her legs in the air until he gently sets her down on the ice. They twizzle their way through the piano notes and the crowd cheers them on when they finish their sequence perfectly.

_'Cause, I built a home_

_For you_

_For me_

He spins her on the spot, securing her in his arms as her red hair whooshes around them, an auburn blur against her white skin.

_Until it disappeared_

_From me_

_From you_

He suddenly lets go of her and they drift apart, a look of hurt on her face as the lyrics tell the story of a love fading away, the characters hopelessly trying to grasp at everything they once meant to each other.

_And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust_

He goes after her, almost reaching her as she turns away, leaving his fingers to graze delicate fabric of her lilac dress. The look on his hazel eyes is one of agony as he stares at her back.

_Out in the garden where we planted the seeds_

_There is a tree as old as me_

_Branches were sewn by the colour of green_

_Ground had arose and passed its knees_

He picks up his speed, turning to look at her as he passes the spot where she stands, a lonely figure in the middle of the rink. He reaches her but she still avoids his eyes. He breathes deeply and turns his back to her.

_By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top_

_I climbed the tree to see the world_

_When the gusts came around to blow me down_

_Held on as tightly as you held onto me_

_Held on as tightly as you held onto me_

She tentatively touches his back but doesn’t get any reaction from him. She kneels, grasping his hand and then throws herself back towards the ice, apparently giving up. He catches her, as he always does. They’re back to the start, their love fresh and new. She attempts to detach herself from him but he grabs her forearm, pulling her to him with all his might. She jumps onto him, legs wrapping around his middle.

_And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust_

He gently, slowly, lowers her as her arms fall delicately above her head. They can feel the crowd collectively holding their breath as the last notes of the song fade away, the pair panting and maintaining their position for a few extra seconds before the sound of cheering explodes around them.

James can’t stop himself from pulling Lily back up as soon as the sound hits them, enveloping her into a bone-crushing hug as she detangles her legs from his torso. She knows she’ll have marks all over her back and sides from the force of his grip on her, but she can’t make herself care at this moment. They forget about everything then. This moment is theirs.

They stay like that for longer than necessary, just enjoying the other and what they accomplished. Eventually, they pull away, looking into each other’s eyes before bowing to the roaring crowd. They skate to the boards, hand in hand and heads held high as they see their coaching team waiting for them on the other side.

McGonagall is looking at them with the proudest look in her eyes. She hugs both of them at the same time, squeezing them with a force neither skater knew she possessed. James even thinks he sees tears in her eyes, but of course he doesn’t comment.

They get to the kiss and cry, restlessly waiting for the results to come up. When they do, James jumps out of his seat and yells in euphoria before he all but grabs Lily by her arms and pulls her to him. Their score beats the highest score by almost ten points.

His happiness is contagious and she can’t help but laugh into his neck, heart and soul filled with love and a sense of accomplishment she’d truly only dreamed of until this point. They pull apart, the rest of the team waiting to congratulate them on their perfect score.

When all the hugging is done, they remember that there’s still two teams left and they can’t celebrate just yet. They move out of the kiss and cry, going in the direction of the backstage door when Lily grabs James’ hand. He looks up with a confused expression.

“I want to watch the last teams,” she says, knowing he’ll say no but already dragging him to the mixed area so they can watch the Bulgarian pair do their routine.

“Lily, you know we can’t!” he complains but doesn’t resist her pull.

She turns around, switching her hold on his hand and walking backwards, ignoring his look of worry as she balances precariously on her blade guards. “No, we _shouldn’t_ because of a stupid superstition,” she raises her eyebrows at him, a spark of mischief in her eyes. “Where’s the big bad James ‘Marauder’ Potter now? Scared?”

He thinks for a second before his own eyes light up and he’s the one dragging her to watch the second half of the current program. He brings his face close to her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. “If we lose, I’m blaming you, Evans.”

She snorts, elbowing him in the ribs. “Shut up, I’m trying not to freak out.”

Neither of them are aware of the cameraman filming the entire exchange, too wrapped up in they after-skate glow to care about anything other than themselves.

He spends the next minutes trash talking the bulgarians’ shitty footwork skills while Lily tries to stifle her giggles, hushing him and trying to keep a straight face as Igor Karkaroff trips out of his twizzle. They’re not even nervous as they wait for the results, and when the score comes up fifteen points below their own, they have to fight the smug grins off their faces.

Suddenly, a hush goes over the crowd and they look up to see Narcissa and Lucius entering the rink. They’re in full black swan attire, Narcissa’s eyes startlingly blue behind the black makeup. The blonde pair glares at James and Lily when they skate past them during their laps.

“Of _course_ they’re doing black swan,” James grumbles beneath his breath.

“I know,” Lily mutters back. “Could they _be_ any more predictable?”

Their names are announced and even Lily and James feel the need to remain silent as the song starts playing. Their program is dark, it’s powerful and even a little scary. They chose the most obscure angle possible to work with, as they did with most of their programs. Lily steals a look towards their coach, Riddle – or Voldemort, as he ridiculously liked to be called – and feels a cold chill pass over her.

The song peaks at the end, going out with a loud and dramatic note. The crowd cheers for them, as they always do. James can see Sirius’ parents in the crowd, not lifting a single finger in favour of their niece. He hopes Sirius doesn’t run into them during these last few days of Olympics.

He turns to Lily, who’s frozen on the spot, the gravity of the situation finally dawning on her. He grabs her shoulders, turning her to him and away from Riddle and the Malfoys. “Lily, don’t look. Please don’t look,” he moves his hands to her face, forcefully drawing her eyes into his. “It doesn’t matter, it’s not important.”

She looks at him, frowning. “How can it not be important, James?” her voice is barely a broken whisper and it doesn’t seem possible that just four minutes ago they were laughing together like two carefree kids.

“We did better than them, you know that. I know that. The world knows that,” he notices her trying to interrupt and cuts her off. “No, don’t try to downplay what we did. It was fucking magical and you know it, so just try and trust-“ he’s so focused on them and making sure she doesn’t lose the spark they had just minutes before that he completely misses the moment the scores appear on the big screen.

She sees it before he does, shock all over her face and he can’t interpret if it’s the good kind of shock or the bad kind. The crowd’s roaring and there are cameras on their faces and Lily is gripping his shoulders and he just wants to know if they won gold.

He’s almost shoving her hands off him when he sees the most beautiful smile in the world take over Lily’s face. He stops, the question on his lips but she’s already nodding, tears forming into her eyes.

“Lily, did we just win the Olympics?” he has to yell at her over the crowd’s noise.

She jumps into his neck, arms locking around it tightly. “YES! Yes, James! We just won the Olympics!” she screams with all her might and he’s sure he’ll never feel as happy as he does right this moment again.

He tries to separate himself from her but she tightens her hold on him, not wanting to let go. “Thank you so much, James,” she half laughs, half sobs into his neck.

He manages to pull away just enough so he can see her tear-marred green eyes and words could not translate the love and gratitude he felt in that gaze. He spins them around on the spot, almost knocking over the camera man documenting their reaction beside them.

He sets her down and only then notices McGonagall standing a few paces away, looking at them with tears in her eyes that she doesn’t even try to conceal. James rushes to her, picking her up and off the ground just like he did with Lily, earning a yelp of surprise followed by an annoyed “Mister Potter, set me down right at this instant!” from her.

Lily doubles over in laughter at the scene, feeling like she could just keep laughing for the rest of her life and simply die of happiness. She tries to engrave that moment, that feeling, into her heart so she can cherish it forever, never letting go.

* * *

After, when they were done with all the ceremonies and immediate interviews, they find themselves lying side by side in Lily’s bed at the athletes’ dorms.

“We really did it, huh?” says Lily, staring at the gold medal in her hand.

“ _Of course_ we did it, Evans. I’ve been telling you we were gonna win the Olympics since we were 12, you’re the only one that ever doubted our awesomeness,” James says, bumping his shoulder with hers.

She lets out a chuckle at that. “Well, the odds weren’t really in our favour and you know that,” she says, her expression growing serious. “Black and Malfoy won’t let this go, you saw their faces at the podium. You saw Riddle’s face at the boards.”

James’ expression is one of pure determination when she turns on her side to face him. “Let them come for us, Lils. They couldn’t win the Olympics even with all the bribing and cheating. We’ll keep getting better, keep skating and winning fair and square. We don’t need to stoop to their level.”

“Okay, I trust you,” she says in a soft voice, almost a whisper, and he turns to her with that ridiculous smile he always has on his face, messing up her hair in an attempt to lighten the mood. She squirms away from him, yelping and scooting over to the other side of the bed.

“Stop! You know damn well I hate it when you do that, Potter!” she holds out a hand, trying to keep him at bay.

“Oh, are we back to last names, Evans?” he raises his eyebrows at her.

Her arm is still stretched between them. “Only when you’re being annoying, Potter.”

“Oh, I see how it is, then,” he lies back down. She’s still suspicious but lowers her arm all the same.

He waits for her to fully lie back down, mirroring his position on the bed. When she starts to get comfortable, he jumps on top of her, tickling her sides with a newfound determination, laughing as she squirms and yelps beneath his hands.

He takes pity on her and eventually stops. She’s breathless and red in the face when he flops back down beside her, and immediately starts to kick him off the bed.

“ _I hate you so much, James Potter_ ,” every word is punctuated by a kick and he can only laugh at her as he gradually slides off the bed.

He lets her get a few more kicks in before grabbing her legs to stop them from hitting her. “Hey, hey! You done?”

She glares at him before freeing her legs and climbing up the bed, pulling the thick comforter over her and facing the wall.

“Aw, c’mon, Lily. It wasn’t that bad, was it?” her only response is a scoff. “Okay, sorry. Won’t happen again, okay?”

She slowly turns towards him, her scowl still very much into place. “I don’t believe you, asshole. But it’s late and I just want to sleep, so okay.”

He beams up at her before climbing on the bed again and pushing her towards the other side of it. “Thank God you mentioned sleep, I’m exhausted,” he ignores her indignant noises and steals the comforter from her.

“James, you can’t sleep here,” she says it like she’s teaching a child something obvious.

He’s already taken off his glasses, closing his eyes and burrowing himself deeper into the covers. “My room’s too far away and I’m sleepy, so goodnight.”

“But Ja-“

“I said goodnight, Evans. It’s late and we have practice tomorrow,” she snaps her mouth shut, still expecting him to get up and go to his room.

It doesn’t happen, and soon his breathing deepens and he’s fast asleep. It’s a talent of his, falling asleep as soon as he closes his eyes, and she always envied him for it.

She sighs, accepting the situation and pulling some of the covers in her direction, being careful so she doesn’t disturb him. She turns off the light and feels her heavy eyelids start to close, the day’s fatigue finally catching up to her.

And if she wakes up the next morning with her partner’s arm around her torso and their legs intertwined, well. She read somewhere that it’s just a normal response when you’re sleeping in the same bed as someone. No big deal, just natural instincts, of course.

* * *

 

Two days later, they’re exhausted from all the press and attention that comes with being an Olympic champion. They’re all sitting by the boards inside the loud arena as they wait for the gala practice to start.

“Ugh, could you _be_ any more disgusting? Do you really have to be so lovey dovey all the time?” Sirius groans at Alice and Frank, who are sitting beside him and whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.

“Sorry, are we bothering the great hockey player Sirius Black? At this _figure skaters only_ practice?” Alice retorts with a sweet smile on her face and the Lily and James laugh. Frank pulls her closer to him, kissing her temple with an expression that proudly says “yeah, that’s my fiancée.”

Sirius glares at the petite girl, grumbling under his breath and pulling out his phone. He makes a point of walking away and sitting on a chair a few feet away from the two pairs. This only makes them laugh harder at him.

He’s not even gone for a full minute before he comes back running and screaming. “DUDE! HAVE YOU SEEN THE INTERNET?”

Lily looks at him with an unaffected expression. “Uh… no.”

Her lack of enthusiasm doesn’t faze him, and he’s already pushing his phone on James’ face, almost hitting him in his glasses. “Sirius, calm down and get that phone off my face. Just- give that to me,” he says, grabbing the phone from his friend’s hands.

Lily scoots closer to him, peeking at the phone and frowning a at what she sees. “What is this? What even is ‘ship’?” she looks up at Sirius with a confused expression. He’s almost giddy, barely containing his laughter in.

Before he can speak, Frank makes a low whistling sound and answers. “ _That_ took a long time to happen.” Now both Lily and James are looking at him with even more confused expressions. “It’s the internet term for wanting people to date, like characters on a tv show or, in this case, Olympic ice dancers.”

Lily just looks back at the phone before grabbing it and continuing scrolling down. Alice looks up at Frank from her place between his legs, back pressed to his chest. “How do you know that?”

“I’m a modern man, I look at the internet,” he shrugs. “Also, people ship us a lot too,” she smiles at him and leans up to plant a soft kiss on his lips.

“ _Again_ , gross,” Sirius groans at them before focusing on James and Lily again.

Lily’s pointing at the screen, eyes growing wide. “What is that? This never happened, we never kissed on the ice,” she pauses, “or ever, really.”

James, who hasn’t showed as much reaction as Lily has, squints at the bright screen. “I… think they photoshopped us kissing, Lils.”

She’s already frantically moving to the next post. “This person made a whole essay on our story and how we’re supposedly in love and dating in secret?” her voice gets more high-pitched with every word she says.

James, seeing how distressed she was getting, pries the phone off her hands and hands it back to Sirius. Without saying a word, he grabs her hand and pulls her up, guiding her to the locker room doors.

Once inside, he sits her on one of the benches and crunches in front of her. “Lily, breathe. It’s not a big deal,” he uses his soft voice with her, the one reserved for her pre-competition crises.

She still looks agitated, but eventually she looks into his eyes and starts to breathe deep, matching her erratic breaths with his calm ones.

After a couple of minutes, he feels that it’s safe to talk again. “Lils, I know this is not ideal, but it’s not the end of the world either.”

“I know, I know. It’s just weird, seeing people doing stuff like that. Photoshopping us kissing? Writing long posts and talking about us as if they’ve known us our whole lives? It feels weird, that’s all,” she shrugs.

“I know that, but it’s the internet. It’s filled with crazy people,” he gets a smile out of her. “But can I just comment on a thing that really bothered me?”

“Yeah, sure,” she thinks he’s going to mention one of the posts and share her discomfort, but his answer catches her off guard.

“Am I really that disgusting?” he doesn’t pause at her utterly confused expression. “’Cause FYI _plenty_ of girls that think I’m a catch, okay? _Some_ people appreciate me.”

She bursts into laughter, putting her hand in his shoulder. “Oh, really? Then why are you single, Mr. Oh-so-desirable?”

“Well,” his face is doing that thing it does when he’s fighting a smile and Lily’s smile widens, “I’m just enjoying life, you know? Can’t disappoint all of these girls by settling down with just one. It’s what the public wants so I give it to them.”

He sees her smile falter for half a second before she talks again. “Oh, so you’re a womanizer, then.”

“Yes. Talk to Britney, she wrote the song about me,” he loses his balance as she gets into another fit of laughter and leans both hands on his shoulders. She barely manages not to fall on top of him and then they’re both laughing themselves silly.

Lily’s entire face and neck are red and it only makes it funnier for James, seeing her skin and hair almost match in colour. Eventually they calm down and She sticks out a hand to help him up.

He pulls her to his side and squishes her against him with his right arm. “Feeling better? Crisis over?”

She squishes his torso right back as they walk back to the rink, already hearing the choreographer yelling at people to get into position. “Yeah, yeah. Crisis over.”

* * *

The season is over.

The hotel is a mess of drunk athletes in various states of undress, loud music and drinking games. Each room provides a different type of entertainment, some serving as dance floors, some as spin the bottle or strip poker or twister venues, others as makeout places.

Lily is currently at one of the rooms serving as a dance floor, moving her body to some generic pop song as she sips some beer. She usually doesn’t drink a lot, but today she feels like she deserves to get hammered. She’s just become an Olympic and World champion in the span of a month. She more than deserves to celebrate.

She’s already past the tipsy stage when Dorcas finds her, screams her name and pulls her by the arm into the packed hallway. “C’mon, Lils! We’re playing spin the bottle.”

“We’re what? Dorcas, we’re not sixteen anymore!” Lily protests but does nothing to stop her friend from dragging her into the circle of people sitting on the floor, dropping to the ground and sitting between Marlene and Remus.

“Hey, I didn’t see you arrive. When did you get here?” she asks both of them, who seem to be in the same – if not worse – state of inebriation as her.

“Just an hour ago, Sirius snuck us in along with James,” Remus says, pointing at James, who’s sitting across from them, laughing at something some french skater – she thought her last name was something like Delacour – is saying to him. She frowns a bit at the sight, wondering why she had the sudden urge to kick the girl in the face.

Marlene, obviously drunk and bored, calls everyone to attention and tells them to settle down and get into position so they can start the game. Lily shakes her head, getting rid of these strange thoughts and focusing on Marlene.

They start the game and Lily laughs and whoops along with everyone as the weirdest people are paired up by the bottle in the middle of the circle. When it’s Sirius’ turn, he makes a big show of pulling up his sleeves in an obnoxious way before finally grabbing the bottle and spinning it. They all watch as it spins around until it finally stops. Everyone stares at the bottle and then at the person it’s pointing at.

“Oh, this should be good,” someone in the circle mutters.

Sirius looks from Lily to James once before plastering his trademark rakish smirk on his face. “Well, well, well, Miss Evans. Are you ready for _this_?” he motions to his body, wiggling his eyebrows at Lily.

“Yo, Black! You gonna kiss your best friend’s girl?” calls Edgar Bones, a British single skater.

Sirius opens his mouth to retort but Lily beats him to it. “Don’t worry, Eddie. James isn’t jealous, right babe?” she says in the most sugar-sweet voice she can muster.

It’s only then that she looks at James and notices his eyes are dark and trained on Sirius. He feels her eyes on him and immediately cleans his expression, plastering an indifferent smirk on his face and throwing his arm around that insipid French girl.

“You’re free to kiss whoever you want, _partner_ ,” they continue to stare each other down until Lily tears her eyes away from him and looks back at Sirius. She doesn’t know what’s wrong with James, and she’s far too drunk to try to understand the way his mind works, so she craws her way across the circle and grabs Sirius by the neck, pulling him into a deep kiss and instigating catcalls and whistles from all over the room.

They detach their lips from each other moments later, a little breathless and dizzy from all the booze they’ve consumed. Lily’s immediate reaction is to look at James but he’s otherwise occupied with that damned Dalacour girl’s neck. She gets up and smiles down at Sirius. “Thanks, Black. That was _really_ delightful,” and with that, she leaves the room to get another drink and get that urge to kick James and his company in the face out of her head.

Lily gets to the booze room and joins some girls in taking tequila shots. She grabs another beer on her way out and bumps hard into someone, stumbling back and almost falling over. This is prevented from happening by a hand flying out and gripping her waist, balancing her. Lily looks up and finds herself looking into Amos Diggory’s golden brown eyes.

“Amos? What the hell are you doing here?” she’s starting to slur her words and it’s a bad, bad sign.

“Lily, hey! Sirius dragged the team here with the promise of free booze,” his hand is still at her waist and Lily is all too aware of this fact.

She sees James leave the spin the bottle room hand in hand with the same blonde from earlier. He looks in her direction and sees who she’s talking to, how close they’re standing and Amos’ hand resting on her waist, touching the thin band of skin between her shirt and her jeans.

With her eyes trained on James the entire time, Lily takes a step closer to Amos, fully pressing her body against his and purring in his ear. “Well, in this case, I’m really glad you decided to come.” Amos’ grip on her waist tightens as she watches James shake his head and drag Delacour to the elevator, completely ignoring the look of mild confusion on the girl’s face.

She forgets all about Amos and his hands on her waist – when did his other hand even get there? – as she watches the elevator doors close and catches a glimpse of Louise – _that’s_ her name – grabbing James by the neck and kissing him.

As soon as the elevator doors shut, she remembers where and who she’s with, feels Amos tugging at her waist and whispering some nonsense in her ear. She untangles herself from him and clears her throat, taking a step back.

“I’m sorry, I’m not feeling well,” she says, already making a run for the nearest bathroom, locking the door and grabbing the sink to support herself. She takes some deep breaths, controlling the urge to empty her stomach on the toilet at her side. What the fuck is she doing? They’ve been going to parties like this for years and she’s never behaved like this. Especially with James.

She decides needs to sober up and go to sleep, so she splashes some water on her face and bolts from the bathroom to the elevator, praying that she doesn’t run into anyone on the way to her room.

Her prayers are answered and she gets to her room unscathed, only having half a mind to change into her pyjamas and throw herself under the covers, hoping that the sleep takes away everything that happened that night.

* * *

The next morning, James wakes up in his room after slipping out of Louise’s when they were done with their evening activities. He stares at the ceiling, wondering what the hell happened with him and Lily the previous night.

Sure, they were drunk and acting stupid. And yeah, of course he didn’t want her kissing any of his mates – least of all that Diggory dude. But it felt weird, like something shifted between them. Did she change her mind, after all?

He thinks back to that day on the swings four years ago, on how afraid he was to lose her. He did the right thing for them - for _her -_ when he decided to bury his feeling and focus on their dream. He thought they were on the same page, thought she only saw him as her skating partner and occasional best friend.

Maybe he thought wrong, and maybe he shouldn’t have assumed her feelings all this time.

He gets up from the bed, going through his morning routine before checking his luggage and leaving his room and heading for the hotel reception to check out. He grabs his phone on the way, calling Lily so they can meet and leave together like they’d planned. It goes straight to voicemail and he tries to call her a couple more times before finishing his check out and going to her room to find her.

He hears some movement inside and knocks on the door before opening it, Lily’s name already on his lips when he sees the room maid tidying up the bed. He backtracks and reads the number on the door again before looking inside. “Excuse me, m’am? Did the girl who was in this room check out already?”

“Yes, sir. About half an hour ago, actually.”

“Thank you, have a nice day,” he says, already pulling out his phone to try to call Lily once more. He swears when it goes to voicemail _again_ , switching contacts and calling Remus instead.

He’s ready to just give up entirely when he hears his friend’s voice. “Hey, Prongs.”

“Moony, is Lily with you? She was supposed to leave with me but I can’t find her and she isn’t picking up,” James tries not to sound too frantic.

“Last time I saw her, she was catching a cab outside the hotel,” came Remus’ reply after a few seconds.

James sighs and doesn’t know if he should feel relieved that she was safe or irritated that she didn’t even think about telling him she wasn’t going home with him anymore. “Thanks, Moony. See you later?”

“Sure. I’ll pop by your house later this week,” he says and James hangs up, taking a deep breath before gathering his things and heading for his car.

* * *

Later that week, the boys are lounging in the Potter’s living room trying to plan James’ upcoming birthday party. The general consensus is that the task would be much easier if the birthday boy would actually contribute to it every once in a while.

Instead, he’s just sitting on one of the armchairs and staring off into space. Not even Peter’s impersonation of McGonagall got a reaction out of him.

“Prongs!” his head snaps up as Sirius’ voice hits him loudly.

“What?” he winces, not meaning to snap at his friend.

Remus and Sirius exchange a look before the latter nods and the former gets up, dragging Peter to the kitchen with him.

James is already running his hands through his hair and scooting to the edge of the seat. “Pads, I’m sorry. I’m just… out of it today.”

“Nah, you’ve been out of it since that party,” the light wince that crosses James’ face confirms it. “And it’s my fault, I’m sorry.”

“How is it your fault? You didn’t do anything wrong,” he pulls out his glasses with the excuse of needing to clean them, but Sirius knows better. He just doesn’t want to look at him.

“Cut the crap, James. You started acting weird when Lily and I kissed, and then she acted even weirder and now here you two are, being weird.”

“Wow, really eloquent, Padfoot,” he chuckles and Sirius rolls his eyes.

“You got the message alright, yeah? Now let me apologise in peace, okay?” he waits for him to nod before proceeding. “I’m sorry I kissed Lily knowing you still love her or whatever, okay?”

“Okay, apology accepted,” he nods. “But still, it was just a game. This is deeper, I have no fucking clue what’s happening.”

“Well,” Sirius gets up and walks towards James, clasping a hand on his shoulder. “My work here is done. I’m gonna go get some beers and bring the idiots back here. You try to find a way to fix this before she comes back, ok?”

“Okay, oka- wait, comes back from where?” James’ head snaps up as Sirius opens the door.

He turns his head back towards James. “Mate, don’t you check social media? She’s in Paris with Marlene and Alice, they decided to do a girls' trip to celebrate their medals and possibly cheer Lily up,” and without waiting for a response, he steps out and closes the door.

James immediately pulls out his phone and opens the Instagram app. Ironically, the first pic that comes up is one of Lily and Marlene in a goofy pose trying to show off their matching bonnets with the Eiffel Tower behind them.

 **lilyflower:** are we french girls yet? @mmckinnon

His heart skips a beat as he stares at the picture. It’s only been four days, but he already misses her so much. He’s just so used to having her always there, right beside him. It feels weird to not see her every day.

He opens her profile, scrolling through her pictures until he stops suddenly. It’s a picture of them from exactly the moment he found out about their Olympic victory. She’s just jumped into his arms and her face is alight with happiness as he hugs her torso.

 **lilyflower:** He told me we would win the Olympics 8 years ago. I hate to admit it, but you were right @prongspotter! Thank you so much, partner!

The emotions from that moment seem to come back to him all at once. The happiness, the sense of accomplishment, the pride, the love. They have to fix this. For them.

The door opens suddenly and the Marauders are back with beer, snacks and all the noise that always seem to follow them everywhere they go. He quickly wipes the tears that started to gather into his eyes, meeting Sirius’ gaze and nodding to signal that it’s all okay. He grabs the beer Remus offers him and dives headfirst into his birthday plans. Nobody comments on his mood change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i started writing this fic back in march and everything was going GREAT until i had a writer's block that just never left. the second part is basically finished, all that's left to do is writing the FINAL SCENE!!! this is a last desperate attempt at getting some validations from the jily fandom and see if i can get my inspiration back and finish it as soon as i can. (really, guys. i haven't been able to write anything for MONTHS so pls give me some feedback)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’re doing this again,” she says like she can’t believe it.
> 
> “We are. You and me.”
> 
> “You and me,” she echoes and steps forward to hug him. “I love you, alright?”
> 
> He holds her tight against him. “I love you too, Lils. No matter what.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINALLY HERE YASSSSS
> 
> hope you all enjoy it!

Two days before his birthday, James goes to the familiar house on Spinner’s End with ‘Evans’ written in crooked letters at the mailbox. According to Marlene, Lily’s supposed to be back home by now.

He rings the doorbell, immediately hearing Petunia’s harpy-like shrieks and heavy footsteps nearing the front door.

Lily opens the door with her body half turned in the living room’s direction, in the middle of some snarky retort to her sister. “If I can win an Olympic gold medal, you can get your ass off the couch and walk ten paces to open the front fucking door, Tuney!” She turns to greet the guest then, her irritated expression morphing into a look of surprise when she sees it’s James standing right there in her front porch.

“Um… hi, Lils. Can we talk?” his smile is tentative, as though he’s afraid she’ll say no and slam the door on his face.

She still looks like a deer caught in the headlights, but she nods her head, managing to return his shy smile with one of her own. “Sure, come in,” she steps away to the side so he can get through the threshold and into the foyer.

For some reason, he feels weirdly out of place inside her childhood home as he follows her up the stairs and into her room. He tries to shake the feeling off, thinking it doesn’t make any sense. He knows this house like the back of his hand, had spent so many nights and afternoons there he’d lost count years ago. This used to feel as much like home as his own home, but maybe it wasn’t the house. Maybe it was Lily and he never stopped to think about it.

He snaps out of his own mind as Lily closes the door and leans against it. He stands uneasily between her bed and her overcrowded bookshelf, noting the suitcase filled with clothes in a corner. “Going somewhere?” he asks, shifting his eyes back to her.

“No, I actually just came back from Paris,” she walks to her bed, sitting on the edge of it as she looks up at him. He looks the same as he did when she last saw him getting into that elevator, and she doesn’t know why a part of her expected him to look different.

“I know,” he says, chuckling at her puzzled expression. “I’m on social media, you know. That and Sirius told me.”

“Oh,” she feels silly now. Of course the information would somehow get to him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s okay, Lils. You don’t have to report your every move to your _skating partner,_ you know,” she holds back a flinch when he stresses the last part.

“No, I know,” she can’t read him and it’s killing her inside. “But I still feel like I should have.”

He just hums in response, shifting his attention to her assortment of medals hung over her writing desk. It’s an overcrowded and messy space, with apparently all of their medals hung in order. Her Olympic one is missing.

He feels her behind him as he fingers a little bronze plate at the beginning of the line. “You remember this one?” he asks without turning around to look at her.

She laughs softly. “Yes, our first competition. I wasn’t talking to you ‘cause you decided to pull that stupid prank on me the night before. How we even managed to win anything is still a mystery to me.”

“Hey, it wasn’t stupid!” he looks back at her and finds her looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “Okay, _maybe_ putting hair bleach on your shampoo the night before our first competition wasn’t the best idea, but it _was_ funny!” she still looks skeptical. “C’mon, it was!”

“James, I looked awful! I had to dye my hair red for months after that,” he tries to hold his laughter in but it just explodes out of him after a couple of seconds. She tries to remain serious but the sound of his booming laughter disarms her.

God, she missed him.

They continue laughing for a little while until they eventually stop and end up staring at each other. He’s leaning on her desk now, and she’s standing just about two feet away from him.

She holds his gaze for a moment, still trying to read him. “I missed you,” she blurts out, simply needing him to know.

He doesn’t say it back, even though the feeling’s mutual and _of course_ he missed her like hell. He just frowns at her for a second, searching her eyes and finding them unreserved and almost pleading. “Then why didn’t you call, Lily?” he forces himself to keep his voice even.

She breaks eye contact, dropping her eyes to the floor. “I… I don’t know,” her voice is low, fragile against the silence of the room.

He takes a deep breath, raking his fingers through his already messy hair and willing himself to maintain a clear head. “What do you mean you don’t know, Lily?” he pauses, trying to catch her eyes again. “I called you for three days, Lily. Three days. We were _fine_ . We won the Olympics, we won Worlds. It was our best season and we were fine until that fucking party, then _something_ happened and now we’re not fine at all and would you _please_ just look at me?” his voice betrays him and rises an octave at the end.

Her head snaps up and she stares at him with a heated expression. “I DON’T KNOW!” she all but screams at his face, taking a step further in his direction. “I was fucking drunk, for God’s sake! I kissed Sirius, do you really expect me to know what was going on through my head? So I don’t know, okay? Maybe I got too deep into the whole character thing we have to do in our routines, maybe not. All I know is that it happened, it was stupid, and it will never happen again, okay?” she stares at him, just wanting this whole conversation to be over already.

He stares right back at her, desperately trying to read her eyes, to find some kind of logic in this whole situation. Her shoulders start to deflate as she disarms her whole stance, looking defeated and exhausted.

“Can we just go back to being normal?” her voice cracks a little at the end, almost as if she isn’t sure if normal is even the right word. What does normal even mean for them?

He nods gently, extending his hand and inviting her to him. She takes it and he pulls her towards his body, sighing in relief at the familiar feel of her body fitting into his.

He’s still not satisfied. He still wants some answers, both from her and from himself. He wants to know what was going through her head that day, if it was the same thing going through his.

She can tell he wants to prolong the conversation. Wants to get to bottom of this and _really_ fix the whole thing. She also knows that he can feel how exhausted she is, and that he would never force her to do anything when she’s not ready for it. So she holds him tighter, silently willing him to just let this go because she doesn’t _have_ the answers he wants. She repeats that to herself over and over, wishing for her brain to just delete that night from her memories.

She pulls away after a few moments and goes back to sitting on her bed, tapping the space beside her for him to sit. “Come here. Tell me all about the big party I know you planned with the boys.”

He smiles and sits next to her, launching into all of the stories involving the planning to his party, from Remus vetoing Sirius’ idea of an ice-themed party to them having the genius idea of buying helium balloons and sucking on all of them when they got drunk that one night.

During the whole conversation, Lily feels relief flood her insides. They’re laughing together, in her childhood room surrounded by memories of them over the years. Pictures of them on podiums and practice, medals they won together – she kept each and every one of them.

This is _normal_ . It’s _them_. They’re gonna be okay.

* * *

Somehow, the pictures of the party leak on the internet.

It wasn’t exactly supposed to be a State secret or anything, but James likes his privacy. Also, since the Olympics, the fans have been wishing for a slip, a picture, a video. Anything that would give them hope of Lily and James legitimately being together.

And of course Sirius sends all of the best – worst – posts on their group chat. And of course Sirius decides to _comment_ and _share_ these posts, knowing full well that he’s adding nothing less than gasoline to this raging fire.

James’ phone beeps with another message from Sirius. He sighs and clicks on the twitter link his friend sent.

 **Rita Skeeter @skeetergossip:** _Take a look at this picture of @lilyflower and @prongspotter and tell us they are not in love! #Jily_

Below is a picture of him and Lily dancing together in the middle of the makeshift dance floor in his living room. Okay, the picture _does_ make it look as if they’re about to start making out any minute. But that’s just because they were reenacting their Olympic program. Emphasis on acting.

 **@bjorkins:** _OMG!!! THEY’RE ALMOST KISSING!!_

 **@padfoothefirst:** _i took the picture, they totally kissed right after that_

 **@amybones:** _THEIR BEST FRIEND CONFIRMED IT! IT’S OFFICIAL EVERYONE!!_

 **james** to **_stop_** **_adding fuel to the fire, sirius_** _:_ will you STOP replying to these posts?

 **sirius** **_:_ ** am i lying???? you kissed her on the cheek after you finished, no?????

 **remus** **_:_ ** As much as I think this is all too hilarious, the media’s really getting out of hand. Lily’s bound to freak out again any second.

 **james** **_:_ ** THANK YOU, moony. we just got our shit together, we’re still on thin ice

 **sirius** changed the group name to **_fun time is over_**

 **Sirius Black @padfoothefirst** **_:_ ** _i can’t even joke a little without the internet losing their shit, huh? i’m sorry for the misunderstanding, but @prongspotter and @lilyflower are NOT dating_

**_@prongspotter retweeted this_ **

* * *

Lily’s skating in circles when James arrives at the rink. She looks frustrated as she runs her hand through her face, still going round and round in the middle of the ice.

He quietly changes out of his sneakers and into his skates before joining her on the ice. She looks up and realises he’s there when she hears the soft scrape of his blades on the ice, giving him a strained smile and putting her hands on her hips.

“Hey, Lils,” he stops a couple of feet away from her, evaluating her mood before getting any closer.

“Hey,” is her only response as she lowers her eyes to the ice beneath them, sticking her toepick on it repeatedly.

He risks skating closer to her, still a little hesitant. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

She shakes her head, jutting out her bottom lip and shrugging lightly.

“C’mon, Lily. Talk to me,” his voice is still soft, but he hates it when she closes herself off. Closes him off from her. He pushes forward, putting his hands on her shoulders and bending his knees so his eyes are on the same level as hers. “Lils? Look at me, please?”

She returns the stare, softly sighing before grabbing his hand and playing with his fingers. “I feel like I can’t get anything right these days. I feel like a failure, like I reached my peak at the Olympics and now I’m back to being mediocre.”

He can’t lie and say these sorts of thoughts never went through his head. Of course they have. Every time he misses a cue or gets out of a twizzle sequence half a second too early, he thinks he’s disappointing the whole country.

Worse, he feels like he’s disappointing Lily.

He closes his hand around hers, stopping her fingers’ motions. “Hey. You were never mediocre, and you never will be, okay?” he holds her stare, daring her to break it. “Don’t you see how everyone talks about you? Lily, they say you’re mesmerizing, both on and off the ice.”

“But… what about last year? What about-“

“Last year was shit for a number of reasons, and none of them have to do with you,” he cuts in. “Besides, it’s not like we finished last or anything. Silver’s good too, you snob,” that gets a small laugh out of her, and he smiles in relief.

He lets go of her and she looks up in confusion. He ignores the look and skates over to the speakers, pulling his backup iPod from the cabinet and looking at Lily as Billy Joel’s voice floods the rink.

_Come out, Virginia, don’t let me wait…_

She’s giving him a radiant smile, and as always, he’s reminded of the reason he does it all. He skates over to her and they fall into the familiar routine once again. This was their exhibition song when they won their first Junior World title, and Lily’s loved this song ever since.

James sings the song to her the whole time, belting out the words along with Billy Joel and twirling her around the ice during the big instrumental part of the song.

They’re breathless and sweaty by the time the song’s over, and they throw themselves on the refreshing ice as soon as they strike their final pose.

“Is it just me or is this choreography harder to do now that we’re adults?” she manages to get the sentence out through her ragged breaths.

He’s clearly winded but trying to act cool as he turns his head to look at her, all red hair splayed around her head like a halo, wisps of it coming out of her messy ponytail. “Speak for yourself, I still got it. You, on the other hand, might be out of shape…” she lets out an offended yelp and pushes him away from her.

He’s prevented from retaliating when they hear McGonagall’s irritated voice coming from the boards. “What are you two doing lying on the ice?” she doesn’t wait for an answer as she launches into another one of her lectures about not needing her top skaters to get sick in the middle of the season and how they should be warming up instead of fooling around on the ice.

James smiles at Lily before getting up and offering a hand to help her get off her back. He winks at her before he takes off, goofing off and jumping up and down on the ice just to hear McGonagall shriek and threaten to come into the rink and discipline him.

He skates over to her and uses her as a shield from their coach’s verbal attacks. She starts laughing when suddenly she feels his hands on her waist pulling her back flush against his front. She really doesn’t think he realises what he’s doing, but she blushes all the same.

When he sees Minerva opening the little gate to go after them, he grabs her hand and twirls her once before pulling her along with him as he starts his laps around the rink. She has to run a little to catch up with him, and he turns his head to the side to tell her to hurry up. She notices how much sharper his jawline gets when he’s smiling wide like this.

She smiles back at him and hopes he doesn’t notice her red cheeks and neck. Maybe he’ll think it’s because she’s winded from dancing and running around the rink. Maybe she can convince herself that that’s why she feels hypersensitive when he’s gripping her hand so hard and twirling her around the rink.

* * *

Lily’s been actively ignoring Mary’s calls since late afternoon. She doesn’t have to pick up to know what her friend is going to say. _You have to get out more, Lily_ or _You’re this close to becoming a hermit, you know_ or some variation of these two sentences is bound to be said to Lily at least once a week - most likely on weekends.

It’s not like she _doesn’t_ go out or anything. She does. She has banquets and film festivals and occasionally she goes to a pub with James and the boys. Or just James, sometimes.

So it’s not like she’s hiding. She actually likes staying at home in the weekends, snuggled in her favourite armchair with her fluffiest blanket wrapped around her, a mug of hot cocoa nestled in her hand as she reads Pride and Prejudice for the thousandth time. It’s cozy and she likes cozy.

She’s just gotten to the part where Lizzy first arrives at Netherfield Park when her doorbell rings. She groans and sets down her half empty mug before getting up - blanket and all - to open the door, mouth already forming the words “no, Mary. For the _last time_ , I don’t wanna go to some club opening party today,” before she abruptly stops and stares at the person standing in front of her. “You’re not Mary.”

James raises his eyebrows at her, a sly smirk on his face. “Hello, it’s me. Not-Mary,” he says, raising the two bags of Chipotle takeout in his hands. “You up for some mexican?”

She frowns at him, still a little shocked at his sudden appearance at her door. “I… thought you were on a date.”

He shrugs, still holding the bags up on each side of his face. “Meh, she didn’t laugh at my jokes enough,” she rolls her eyes at that. “And everyone knows I’m hilarious, so she had to be daft.”

She fights a smile as she looks down at her socked feet. “Okay, then. Come on in, Mr. Comedian.”

He sighs in relief, finally letting his arms drop. “Thanks, Lils,” he drops a kiss on her cheek as he passes her by, missing the way her eyes widen just a little bit and how she takes a few extra seconds to close the door.

She walks into her kitchen, finding him already opening cupboards and pulling out plates and cups for them. He knows she hates eating out of paper bags.

She’s still trying to keep the smile off her face as she goes back to the living room to drop her blanket on the armchair. She doesn’t even know what she’s smiling about, anyways.

Lily starts when she hears his voice from the kitchen. “Evans! Hurry up, the food’s getting cold!”

“I’m coming, Potter!” she grabs her mug with her - now cold - hot cocoa and brings it into the kitchen, placing it on the sink. “Patience, young grasshopper,” she teases as she sits across from him. He rolls his eyes and grumbles something about Lily being ungrateful before taking a huge bite of his burrito.

They’re almost done eating when he clears his throat. “So… why didn’t you go with Mary and the girls to that club opening?”

She shrugs and swallows before answering. “Didn’t feel like it, really. Figured Mr. Darcy would be a better company.”

“I’m soooo much better than Darcy,”  he grabs a napkin, cleaning his fingers and face of guacamole.

She rolls her eyes, licking her fingertips and gathering the mess of tinfoil and napkins around the table to toss in the trash. “Keep telling yourself that, honey,” she pats him on the shoulder on the way.

“Hey! I _did_ just bring you dinner, didn’t I?” he gets up as well, trailing behind her. “That has to count as something.”

“Yeah, yeah. I guess being second choice is nice sometimes,” she says, heading for the living room.

“Second choice?” he watches as she drops into one side of the couch and drapes her blanket over her.

“Yeah, you only came here because your date sucked, right?” she gestures for him to sit on the couch as well.

He sits down on the opposite side of the couch. “Well, not really.”

She raises her eyebrows at him. “Yeah? Enlighten me.”

He messes up his hair. “Well, I only went on that date because Sirius made me do it,” he pauses and she motions for him to go on. “So it’s not like I _wanted_ to be there in the first place, right?” he’s getting flustered for some reason. “And the whole time i just wanted to leave and come here ‘cause you’re prettier and smarter and funnier and you actually laugh at my stupid jokes, so… yeah.”

She just stares at him for a few moments, watching him squirm under her stare. Her heart is beating fast and she feels the urge to do things she’s not supposed to. Nope, she’s not supposed to be even _thinking_ about doing this sort of thing with her skating partner.

Besides, they’re friends. Skating partners. What he once had was a teenage crush, they’re adults now. They don’t need - or want - to complicate things like this. _She_ doesn’t to complicate things.

She laughs at him, trying to dismiss the sudden tension in the room. “You’re such a sap, you know that?”

His eyes snap up at hers, a small smile taking over his face. “Yeah, well. I can be cute when I want to, you know.”

“Uh huh, you’re cute as a skinny, long-limbed teddy bear,” he makes an indignant noise but she’s already talking again. “C’mon, let’s choose something to watch on Netflix,” she scoots over to his side of the couch, feeling his arm instinctively drape across her shoulders as she leans into his side.

He grabs the remote and starts to flip through the catalog, making comments about the shitty rom coms she loves. She slaps his chest lightly, telling him to shut up and just pick something already.

After almost half an hour, they decide on rewatching Doctor Who, and of course they imitate the little noises from the opening credits together, like they always do. When Amy Pond’s face come on the screen, he tells Lily she looks just like her, like he always does. She laughs and tells him to shut up, like she always does.

She falls asleep before the episode is over, snoring softly with her head in his chest. He turns the TV off, gently taking his arm off her and adjusting his position so he could carry her to her bedroom.

She stirs in her sleep as he sets her down on the bed, looking up at him with bleary eyes. “James?” her voice is scratchy with sleep.

“Yeah, Lils?” he answers softly, covering her with the comforter.

“You’re staying, right? It’s late, you can sleep here if you want,” she snuggles inside the comforter, burying her face on the pillow.

“Sure, I’ll just change out of these clothes and I’ll be right here,” he says, a soft smile on his face.

“Hmm, ‘kay,” she says, her breathing already deepening, sleep claiming her.

He walks into her closet, making a beeline to the left side of it, where he keeps a drawer with some clothes in case he has to sleep there. Like today. And two days in a row last week. And the week before that.

It’s just that they have similar schedules, that’s all. It’s easier to just crash at each other’s apartments. And neither of them have an extra bedroom, so they have to share the bed from time to time. And maybe they end up cuddling during the night, but that’s nobody’s business.

He changes into some sweatpants and his team UK jumper from the last Olympics before returning to the room. He slides under the comforter, sticking to his side of the bed.

She’s still sleeping, but it’s as if she feels his presence, rolling over and laying her head on his chest, her arm firmly secured around his waist. He looks down at her, only managing to see the top of her head and her delicate nose. He smiles a small smile, putting his arm around her and using his free hand to turn the bedside lamp off.

Sleep comes easy to him, and within a few seconds he’s slumbering beside Lily.

* * *

“JAMES POTTER!”

Everyone jumps in surprise at the shrill tone of Lily’s voice. They hear her heavy steps coming closer and flinch away from James when she stops in front of him, hands on her hips.

“Yes, dear?” he says in a smooth voice, apparently unaffected by the obvious angry vibe radiating off his partner.

“We’ve known each other for sixteen years so don’t you _dare_ lie to me, mister,” she points a finger in is direction and waits for him to nod before continuing. “Now did you or did you not eat the snacks I bought for tonight?”

His face blanches a little. “Um… no?” he’s already flinching and she hasn’t even laid a finger on him yet.

She grabs the nearest cushion and starts to beat him over the head with it. “You idiot! How are we supposed to watch Sirius’ game without snacks?”

He waits for the right moment to grab her arms and stop her attacks on him. “Will you just- calm down, woman!” she struggles but soon

She’s out of breath and red in the face and their faces are really really close and Lily knows that she shouldn’t but she looks at his mouth for just a millisecond and she should really just put some distance between them.

Remus clears his throat and James releases her. She doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes when she sticks her hand out towards James. “Gimme your car keys, I’m gonna drop by Walmart and get some chips or something,” he hands her the keys to his jeep and she storms out the door.

Five pair of eyes turn to him after the door closes. “Uh… what the _hell_ was that?” Dorcas asks in a half perplexed voice, mirroring the expressions of those around her.

“I have no fucking clue,” James says, getting up and heading for the kitchen. “Anyone want some beer?” Remus and Mary accept the offer and he returns with four beers.

“Who’s the fourth beer for?” Remus asks when he comes back.

“For me,” he answers before sitting down with a beer in each hand and downing half of one in a few gulps.

“It’s just nerves, man,” Frank reassures him, his arm around Alice.

James’ head is thrown back, resting on the back of the couch as he stares blankly at the ceiling. “She’s been freaking out since we decided on our Olympic programs. It’s like she’s a bloody harpy, screaming all over the place.”

“You have to understand the pressure she must be putting on herself, James,” says Alice. “You won gold on your _first_ Olympics, and she wants to show everyone you still got it now that you’re going for the second time.”

“I don’t see _you_ screaming and hitting Frank,” he grumbles.

“We’re only bronze medalists, mate. No one’s expecting us to bring home the gold, and we’re only doing it for fun, really,” Frank says, looking at his and Alice’s brand new wedding rings. “It’s our last Olympics, we don’t mind losing to you.”

James turns his head to look at his friend. “Shut up, you could totally beat us.”

“Nah, we couldn’t. But that’s okay, we’re happy with the way things are,” Alice shrugs. “Just… try to take her mind off of it all, distract her with something other than skating. She needs this.”

James looks at her and nods before grabbing the remote and turning the volume up, watching as the commentator announces the team’s entrance. They hear Sirius’ name and the crowd’s responding roar as the country’s favorite defenseman steps on the ice.

James is about to text Lily when the door opens and she steps inside the apartment, arms full of grocery bags and rushing to the kitchen. “Did I miss anything?” she shouts from inside the kitchen.

“No, they just announced the teams!” Remus shouts back.

She comes into the living room holding two bags of chips and a beer, placing them on the coffee table before dropping on the couch beside James.

He puts his mouth close to her ear. “Hey, I’m sorry I ate all the snacks.”

She suppresses the shiver that threatens to run down her spine. “I’m sorry I freaked out and hit you with a cushion,” she whispers back.

He puts his arm around her and she falls into the familiar position, leaning on his side with her head on his shoulder. It doesn’t last long, of course. Five minutes into the game they’re already leaning forward and screaming at the TV like the ref can hear them.

But in the lulls in the game when nothing much happens, they always come back to the same position, always leaning back and against each other, their bodies coming together like magnets.

* * *

The first thing Lily does when she and James get to the locker room after practice is throw herself in one of the benches and immediately take off her skates, wincing as she notices the bubbles starting to form on her feet.

James looks sideways at her from his place on the bench beside her. “New skates giving you a rough time?”

She winces again, letting a low groan of pain. “Yeah, they’re taking forever to break in.”

He turns towards her. “C’mon, gimme your stinky feet. I’ll give you a massage,” he pats his thighs, holding his hands up. She places her feet on them without hesitation and he starts to rub her soles on all the right spots.

He doesn’t think she realises the little sounds she’s making and he’s trying not to be aware of them as well. He risks a look in her direction and immediately regrets it.

She’s leaning back on her elbows, eyes closed and a blissful expression on her face. Her ponytail is coming undone and her auburn hair is sticking to to sweaty spots on her neck.

He looks back down, focusing on kneading his knuckles one last time onto her flesh before he pats her shin to signal the end of the massage session.

Her head snaps up with a half dazed expression on her face. “What? Already?” she drags out the “y” for a few seconds.

He chuckles fondly at her. “Yeah, that’s it for now,” he gently pushes her legs off of his own and stands up, offering her a hand. “Let’s go, I’m taking you out for ice cream.”

She instantly lights up, grabbing his hand and letting him pull her up. “Let’s go!” she’s already skipping to the exit, not even remembering to grab her gym bag on the way out.

He shakes his head with a soft smile on his face as he gathers the rest of their things and heads for the door. She’s already waiting by his car, eagerly bouncing on the balls of her feet, the pain apparently forgotten.

“Come on, James! I plan to get there before I reach 80.”

He unlocks the car, getting in and tossing their bags on the backseat. “Careful, or I’m gonna change my mind and take you to a clam chowder place.”

She makes a disgusted face at him. “Ew, that’s gross.”

“Exactly,” he tries to tickle her with one arm but she squirms away before he can get to her. “Now act your age, missy.”

She pouts at him, crossing her arms and mumbling something that resembles “I _am_ acting my age” under her breath.

He starts the car and looks at her one last time before putting it on drive and getting out of the parking lot. He fights to keep the smile off his face but it just refuses to leave. He must look like a madman, smiling at himself like this, but he’s too happy to care right now.

* * *

Lily said she’d just go to the bathroom and then she’d be right back almost thirty minutes ago.

James is trying to concentrate on stretching and relaxing but he keeps looking at his phone, checking the time and his messages. He clicks on the home button for the eighth time before getting up and going to search for her.

He checks the restroom, the mixed area, the locker rooms and is almost resorting to aimlessly yelling her name around the arena when he starts to get near a corridor and hears voices. He frowns, following the sounds until he turns the corner.

The first thing he sees is Lily’s back turned to him, her stance tense and rigid, like she’s preparing to fight whoever is standing in front of her.

Then he hears the strident voice of Bellatrix Black and finds himself striding towards Lily.

“What time are you performing again, Evans? It would be such a shame if something happened to you right before your big finale,” her strident voice fills the highway. “And only a few months before the Olympics, too,” she takes a menacing step in Lily’s direction.

James gets to them right then, placing a hand on Lily’s back and feeling her relax a little as he glares at Bellatrix. “And what a shame it would be for Narcissa Malfoy’s flop sister to be disqualified for being a crazy bitch,” he says with a cool tone. “I think I can still hear some people laughing at your joke of a score.”

Bellatrix sneers at him. “Well, If it isn’t the good little knight. Did she push the panic button so you could come and save her?”

“I can take care of myself, Black,” Lily shoots back.

Just then, Snape rounds the corner and stops for half a second to assess the situation before taking his place behind Bellatrix.

“Oh, I see you called your dog,” James jeers at Snape.

“No one called, I just smelled filth and came to investigate.”

“So you came sniffing on your own? Good dog!” he goes rigid at the sound of Lily’s voice but doesn’t look in her direction, continuing to glare at James.

He leans over to talk to her. “C’mon, Lily. We have to finish stretching.”

She nods and turns her back to Bellatrix, taking his hand to lead him back to their place and finish preparing for their performance.

With her back turned to the black haired girl, she doesn’t see the attack coming. James has the immediate reaction to get in front of her as Bellatrix’s foot flies towards Lily’s knee.

It all happens too quickly, and before James even as the time to process the sudden pain in his leg, Snape is already halfway across the corridor, dragging Bellatrix away as she crackles like a wicked witch.

Lily instantly kneels before James, pulling up his pant leg and gasping at the bruise that’s already forming on his thigh. He’s leaning against the wall, wincing as she applies some pression on the mark.

“James, we need to get you some ice. _Now_ ,” she says, getting up and trying not to freak out. “Can you walk?”

He nods, breathing deep and pushing himself off the wall. She moves to support him, but he shakes his head. “No, I have to go alone. No one can see me like this, it’ll only raise rumors.”

She nods, a pained expression on her face as he hardens his expression and takes a step forward and tries to hold back a wince. She waits for him to take a couple more steps before joining him, trying to act normal but always on guard, ready to support him if he needs her to.

The walk back to their curtained cubicle feels like an eternity to both of them. When they get there, James throws himself down on one of the chairs, a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead.

Lily immediately rushes to the little thermal bag on the corner and grabs an ice pack before hurrying back to James and placing it on his bruised flesh.

Remus drops what he’s doing and runs to Lily’s side when he sees the state his friend is in. “ _What the hell happened?_ ” he nearly screams at the pair.

Lily puts her finger to his lips and shakes her head. “We had a little run-in with Bellatrix and Snape,” she whispers as softly and she can. “She tried to kick me when I turned my back to her, but James got in the way,” her voice is trembling and she feels like she might burst into tears right now.

“Fucking hell,” Remus almost never swears, but he can’t help but let out a stream of curses when he sees the large bruise in James’ leg. “Let me handle this, you have to start getting ready now if you want to make it in time,” he takes the ice pack off her hands but she doesn’t move at first, eyes locked on James’ face.

“James, can you skate?” she asks softly, hand in his hand.

The pain in his expression is more subdued now, but she can see he’s still in struggling. “Yes, we’ll just put some ice and bandage it and I’ll be good to go,” he tries to shoot her a reassuring smile but she’s still not convinced.

“Lily, go. _Now!_ ” Remus says firmly, using his free hand to force her to stand up.

She grabs her bag with her costume, makeup and skates and heads out, stopping in front of the curtain before turning and looking at James one last time. He gives her a sure smile, nodding his head as if he’s saying “go on, I’ll be alright.”

She smiles back and slips through the curtain, walking to the bathroom and praying that by the time she returns, Remus will have fixed the whole situation.

* * *

Two hours later, they’re standing on the right side of the podium, holding their silver medals and smiling as the camera flashes blind them. Lily doesn’t let go of James’ hand the whole time, and their smiles are genuine when they congratulate Alice and Frank for their gold medals.

Still, it’s a relief when they get into the car to head back to the hotel. Lily sighs and James looks at her with an apologetic expression on his face. “I’m sorry, Lils,” he whispers into the quiet.

Her head snaps up, wide green eyes staring at him. “James, why are you apologizing? None of that was your fault,” she instinctively grabs his hand to reassure him.

“I- I feel like this is my fault,” he grips her hand back.

“No, never,” she hold his gaze determinately. “You know that one way or another they would have found a way to mess with us.”

He nods and they fall silent for a few long moments.

“James,” she calls him and waits for his responding hum before continuing. “It’s okay, that wasn’t it. We still have the final, alright?”

He nods again before sliding down the seat and resting his head on her shoulder. He sighs contently as she threads her fingers through his hair, feeling some of the anger fade away.

He never lets go of her hand, and neither does she.

* * *

Lily _hates_ dinner galas. She hates how she has to dress up and triple check if she looks pretty enough or thin enough to be seen in public. She hates how the other skaters whisper when she passes by. She hates talking to the retired skaters and having to smile when they give her backhanded compliments.

But most of all, she hates it when James disappears and leaves her all alone to deal with all of this at once.

She manages one last fake smile to yet another old lady who thinks it’s okay to comment on her weight before excusing herself to look for James.

She then realises that she doesn’t really know where to look, so she settles for wandering around the hall and trying to avoid the Black sisters and anyone related to them.

Just when she’s about to give up and go back to her table, she passes by a curtained set of french doors leading to a balcony. The doors are a little ajar and she can hear James’ voice coming through the crack.

She slips past the door and faces her partner’s back, noticing that he’s talking to someone on the phone. She opens her mouth to announce her presence but pauses when she hears what he says next.

“No, dad, you don’t get it,” he counters. “She’s counting on me and disappointing her is just _not_ a possibility, okay? I- I can’t even think about it, I just can’t,” his voice is close to breaking and her heart is already breaking as well.

She takes a few silent steps towards him, thanking god that she chose to wear shoes without heels that night.

She can hear Fleamont’s faint voice through the phone speaker, not really managing to make out the words as she places a hand on James’ back. She feels his muscles go rigid until she takes a step to the side and gets into his line of vision.

Fleamont stops talking and she nods at James to finish talking, trying to put as much patience and understanding in her eyes as she can.

“I know, dad,” he reassures his father. “Listen, I gotta go, okay? I’ll call you later. Love you too,” Lily smiles a little, like she always does whenever she witnesses these moments with James and his family. He doesn’t look at her as he pockets his phone and leans forward on the balcony.

“James-” he cuts her off immediately, his voice firm but not harsh.

“When did you- how much did you hear?” his tone is not harsh, just closed off.

“About ten seconds before you saw me,” he nods, still not exactly looking at her. She leans on the balcony beside him and waits a few seconds before speaking. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s not important,” the reply comes fast, ready in his lips.

She huffs and fully turns on her side to face him. “What do you mean it’s not important? Those are your _feelings_ , James. I want you to trust me enough to share them with me,” she puts her hand on his arm, silently urging him to look at her.

He closes his eyes for a short second before turning to face Lily, mirroring her position. “You think I don’t trust you?”

“James, trust isn’t just running around the ice with me with blades on our feet,” he shifts his eyes to the floor for a second. “You can’t just be there for me when I need you and then shut me off when it’s you who needs someone. This is a two way street, you know.”

He sighs, trying to escape her stare but finding himself trapped there. “I didn’t want to trouble you, Lils.”

Lily widens her eyes, looking exasperated. “Then what am I here for? I thought we were in this together, not just _skating_ together.”

“Lily, of course we are,” he’s fast to reassure her.

“ _So talk to me!_ ” she really didn’t mean to raise her voice like that. James turns to check if someone inside heard them.

She stares at him expectantly until he huffs and decides to speak.

“You’re already nervous enough as you are, so I didn’t want to trouble you,” her expression hardens but she lets him finish. “After we lost the Grand Prix because of me, I started getting anxious. The possibility of letting you down on our last season is too scary for me.”

“James, we didn’t lose because of you, we’ve been through this before,” she grabs his hands, forcing him to look at her. “If they hadn't hurt you, it would've been me. We couldn't have prevented it either way.”

He nods, and she uses her grip on his hands to pull him to her. He automatically wraps his arms around her middle, breathing in her familiar scent.

“Lily, I don't wanna let you down,” his voice is hoarse and she grips the back of his neck, giving it some light strokes to try and calm him down.

She makes a point of backing away enough so she can look deep into his hazel eyes. “James Fleamont Potter, you listen to me. You _won't_ let me down, okay?” he keeps staring at her, frowning a bit. “ In fact, I don't even believe you ever _could_ let me down. Never, okay?”

He tries to distance himself from her. “Lily, you-”

She pulls him even closer this time, noses touching as her determined gaze traps him in. “ _Never,_ ” she says firmly. He stops for a second and gives her a little nod.

Lily doesn't release him immediately, maintaining her firm but gentle grip on his neck until she's satisfied with what she sees.

She takes a step back and gently takes one of his hands in hers. “You good?”

“Yeah,” he brings her hand up and softly brushes his lips against her knuckles. “Thanks, Lils.”

Her breath gets stuck on her throat and she hopes he doesn't notice. “Anytime, Potter. Are you ready to go back?”

“Sure, let's go back to the borefest.”

She takes the lead and pulls him behind her to the half open door. As soon as the noise of the party hits her, their little bubble bursts.

She drops his hand when a couple of single skaters pass by, missing the look of mild confusion that passes by James’ face.

The rumours are bad enough without the entire figure skating world seeing the two of them leave a dark balcony hand in hand.

* * *

They haven’t been on canadian ground for more than 20 minutes and they already have a thousand cameras and microphones pointed at them.

“Lily, how do you feel after winning your second Grand Prix Final?” eagerly asks one of the reporters.

She plasters her media smile on her face, just like she practiced. “Well, we’re still reeling from that one,” she risks a look at James, and he’s already looking at her. “We got a little worried after that silver in Japan, but we pulled it off in the end. We’re very focused on the Olympics right now,” the reporter seems satisfied with the answer, so the others jump in to try and get chosen next.

“Is this really your last year competing?”

James looks at Lily, signaling her to answer. She knows how he feels about this, after all. “Well, we think so,” she really doesn’t want to answer that. “We’ve had quite a long run, and we think it’s time to focus on our families and what to do next.”

The reporter shifts the microphone in James’ direction. “We’ve been talking about this for a while now,” they hadn’t. “And we both feel like we should think about what to do outside of skating,” he doesn’t.

They only talked about this a couple of months ago, and James is not happy about it. Lily wants to spend some time with her parents and get a college degree, and he understands that. But he also wants to keep going. He wants keep skating with her forever, but it’s okay if she doesn’t. Really, he understands it.

He snaps back into focus when he hears another journalist’s voice.

“How do you feel about your programs this season? How did you choose them?” pipes in a short woman at the front.

He takes the lead in this one. “Well, they’re both really emotional programs and the hardest part is making sure we’re in the right place mentally and emotionally before we skate,” he says earnestly, often shifting his eyes in her direction while he spoke.

“And was it easy to connect with the programs?” Lily’s getting whiplash from all the questions and flashes.

“Yeah, it was really easy and fun for me,” he looks at her in question. “Lils?”

She turns to look at him and this time her smile is genuine. “Not hard at all. Our free dance song especially. I stumbled upon it on spotify and I just knew it was our song.”

“It’s a very romantic song, don’t you think? Does it mean you two are finally together?” both of them go a little rigid at the sound of Rita Skeeter’s sly voice. It’s not like they don’t get this sort of question all the time, but they know how Skeeter can manipulate anyone to say what she wants them to.

They laugh uneasily. “Nah, me and Lils are still just partners and best friends, sorry,” he puts his arm around her shoulders, squishing her to his side.

Lily gives the signal and Remus rushes in, closing off the interviews and opening the way so they can greet the fans and take some pictures. It’s an exhaustive task, but they make it through without any big problems.

Then they’re at the Olympic Village and it feels like coming home.

They stop before the rings and Lily reaches for James’ hand. He graps it like his life depends on it and looks at her at the same time she turns her stare to him.

She takes the little silver pendant from the inside of her shirt and he does the same, stepping closer to her so they can join the two skating blades in the space between them.

“We’re doing this again,” she says like she can’t believe it.

He looks from their joined pendants to her eyes. “We are. You and me.”

“You and me,” she echoes and steps forward to hug him. “I love you, alright?”

He holds her tight against him. “I love you too, Lils. No matter what.”

* * *

James loves the Olympics.

Not just because he’s competing for his country and fighting for gold. God, how he loves competition. The heartbeat before the first notes of their song starts playing. The silence before the crowd erupts in cheers when they strike the final pose. The way he feels like his heart will beat out of his chest while they wait for the results. He just loves it all.

Dammit, he’s gonna miss it.

But no, it’s because he loves the cultural aspect of the whole thing.

He loves meeting new people. Loves the struggle of talking to someone who speaks a different language. Loves to meet new competitors, their young faces lighting up when he gives them advice. Loves to escape the village and walk around the city, pretend he’s just a normal guy visiting another country.

After the opening ceremony, Sirius says some athletes from team Canada offered to show them around the city, and he accepts without hesitation. Lily says she’s too jet-lagged to even think about it, so she decides to stay at the village.

So that’s how he finds himself on a karaoke bar trying not to piss himself with laughter as Sirius belts out the words to ‘I Want It That Way’ on the little stage.

“Is he drunk the day before an Olympic game?” comes a voice from beside him.

He turns his head and finds himself staring into deep brown eyes. He lets an easy smirk slide into his face. “Nah, that’s just Sirius. Doesn’t need a drop of alcohol to be this confident.”

The girl beside him lets out a low whistle. “If he’s like _that_ ,” she points at Sirius as he dramatically drops to his knees during the chorus, “when he’s sober, do I ever want to see him get drunk?”

He laughs easily. “Yeah… probably not.”

She laughs a little before sticking out her hand for him to shake. “Emmeline Vance.”

He takes her hand. “Vance. You’re that snowboarder, right? The youngest record holder in history, huh?” she nods with a smile. “I’m James-”

“Potter, I know,” she bursts laughs a little at his raised eyebrows. “Chill, I’m not a stalker. You and your partner are all over the internet right now.”

He smiles sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. “Oh, yeah… the internet thing.”

“I lost count of how many articles about your ‘ _sexual tension_ ’ and ‘ _longing looks_ ’ and ‘ _oh my god, they’re soulmates!_ ’ I’ve seen in the last few weeks,” his neck is getting all red now. He really hates all of this attention on his relationship with Lily. “So, what’s the deal with you two?” she asks, trying to act nonchalant and only half succeeding.

“We’ve known each other practically all our lives. She used to hate me when we were kids- I was an asshole, to be honest,” she raises her eyebrows. “But eventually we both grew up, and we became best friends,” he’s repeated that story so many times, it’s like he’s a parrot.

“Just friends?”

“Trust me, I tried to go there once and almost ruined our careers,” he hates remembering that time. “It’s complicated,” he concludes.

She nods slowly before offering him her hand. “Well, in that case… James Potter, will you dance with me to your friend’s terrible singing?”

He chuckles, taking her hand and realising that Sirius was now serenading Marlene with ‘Baby One More Time’. It gets even more hilarious when she climbs on the stage and takes the mic from him, reversing the roles. She goes to the computer and cuts the song off, the techno beats of ‘Womanizer’ flooding the bar.

Emmeline pulls him closer to the stage and he tries not to think about how weird it is to dance with a girl who isn’t Lily.

* * *

The next day, James drops by Lily’s room to pick her up to Sirius’ game. On the way there, he tells her all about the night before. Well, he tells her everything but the Emmeline part.

It’s not a big deal, it’s just that him and Lily never really talk about their love lives. They both know that they have each had some flings along the years, but nothing too serious. And anyways, he doesn’t even know _if_ anything’s going to happen with Emmeline, so why bother?

“She did _what_?” Lily asks, perplexed. “You can’t be serious.”

“Lily, what the hell? I’m not Sirius, I’m James!” she slaps his arm and rolls her eyes. “No, but _seriously_ ,” she shoots him a look and he fights to keep the laughter in, “I solemnly swear that Marlene jumped onstage and performed - and I mean choreography and all - Womanizer to Sirius.”

Lily chuckles and shakes her head. “Well, it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it.”

They get into the arena and she pulls him by the hand towards their seats, stopping every once in a while to take a picture with a fan or greet an athlete they know.

When they get to their seats, most of the gang is there, save for Peter and Mary, who was on another rink having extra training sessions.

“Hey, where’s Pete?” asks James once they’ve greeted everyone.

“I dunno,” says Remus. “He’s been acting weird, it’s like we never see him anymore.”

James nods in agreement and drops on the chair between Lily and Frank. The latter turns to him and nudges him with his shoulder. “Had fun last night, huh?”

“Yeah, Sirius really let loose yesterday. It was hilarious,” he responds, ready to launch into the stories from the night before again.

Frank just hums as he scrolls through his phone before finding what he was looking for and turning the device in James’ direction. “Yeah, we can see that.”

It’s a video from the karaoke bar last night. The person began filming the environment in general but soon the camera zooms in on him and Emmeline dancing together in front of the stage. He’s twirling her and they’re both laughing when she loses her footing and he grabs her by the waist, instinctively pulling her close.

The person filming screams and the video cuts off shortly after that.

“Wait… who’s that?” he didn’t realise Lily was watching the video over his shoulder.

He turns to her, running his hand through his hair. “That’s… Emmeline Vance.”

She still looks lost. “Okay, but who is she? How did you meet?”

Their friends exchange looks, amused by Lily’s sudden interest in the situation.

“She’s a snowboarder from team Canada, she was there with the other athletes yesterday,” James explains like it’s no big deal. Because it’s not, of course. Why would it be?

“Oh… okay,” and just like that she’s back to looking intently out at the arena.

As if on cue, the girl of the hour herself comes up the stairs and shouts James’ name.

Lily’s head snaps to the right along with James’, and for some reason feels her stomach drop when she sees the beautiful brunette greet James with a dazzling smile. Her eyes shift to her partner’s face and sees his own responding smile. It’s a big one, bigger than usual. She doesn’t have time to think about what it means or how she feels about it, because the girl is already talking again.

“I see you made it out alive, after all,” she teases him from the corridor, and James has turned his entire body in her direction, consequently turning his back to Lily.

She can only hear his voice when he scoffs and charmingly runs his hands through his hair, messing it up to make it look like he just stepped out of the ice. “Barely. I think I’ve gone partially deaf.”

Emmeline’s responding laugh grates through Lily’s insides like sour lemon juice. “Yeah, that Bohemian Rhapsody duet with me and Benjy killed all of us in the end.”

The conversation goes on for a couple more minutes and everyone but the James and Emmeline is silent, sometime Alice glances at Lily, who hasn’t made a sound since the other girl arrived.

Eventually, James seems to remember about her existence. Emmeline is about to leave when he turns to Lily and his eyes widen a little. “Hey, Em!” _oh, they’re on nickname basis now?_ Lily thinks bitterly. “I didn’t introduce you to Lily! Lily, Emmeline. Emmeline, Lily.”

They’re too far away to even attempt a handshake so they settle for giving each other a nod and a weak wave. Emmeline immediately turns to James with yet another brilliant smile before saying goodbye and continuing her way upstairs to meet her teammates.

James straightens himself in his seat and looks around at his friends. “She’s alright, yeah?” he only gets a few mumbles as response, seemingly the only one not noticing Lily’s quiet mood.

The conversation gets - thankfully - cut short when the teams begin entering the ice, and they all turn their attention fully to the game that’s about to start.

* * *

After that, she’s everywhere.

She’s there after practice, popping up at the rink so she can show James around town some more.

She’s there at _every single game_ they go to.

She’s there when they leave the village to grab something to eat.

She’s there when they go to the gym.

Every-fucking-where.

“I’m seriously scared she’s gonna come out of my closet anytime now, Mar,” Lily is laying on Marlene’s bed scrolling through her phone.

“I’m sure you’re exaggerating, Lils,” Marlene says from the floor, where she’s doing pushups.

Lily scoffs before leaning over and showing her phone screen to her friend. “Trust me, I’m not.”

Marlene leans on an elbow before taking the phone from Lily’s outstretched arm and scrolling through the article. “Bloody- that’s _a lot_ of pictures.”

“See?” Lily says once Marlene has handed back her phone. “I’m not crazy.”

“Not crazy crazy, just crazy jealous,” she replies matter-of-factly.

Lily makes an indignant noise and turns her head to look at Marlene. “I am _not_ jealous. Why would I be?”

“C’mon, Lily,” she looks at the redhead with a ‘ _quit the bullshit’_ expression. “You _know_ why, I’m not gonna spell it out for you.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Uh huh. You can lie to me all you want, just don’t lie to yourself. You’ve been doing this for long enough,” she looks at Lily with a raised eyebrow, “haven’t you?”

Lily sets her phone down and looks up at the ceiling, letting out a sigh. This is not the right time. But _when_ exactly is it gonna be the right time, then?

* * *

There’s two days left before the final.

They’re panting in the middle of the rink as McGonagall makes them repeat and repeat and repeat their routine until there is absolutely no room for mistakes.

“Don’t forget about your facial expressions!” their coach yells for the fifth time in the last fifteen minutes.

Lily leans forward with her hands on her knees, clearly exhausted.

“Hey Minnie, can we take five?” James asks and only gets a curt nod as a response before McGonagall turns to look at Remus’ annotations. He skates closer to Lily, rubbing her back lightly. “Want me to get you some water?”

She shakes her head, her breath slowly evening out. “No, I just need a minute,” she straightens her back and he moves his hands to her shoulders, trying to get rid of some of the tension in her muscles. “Oh, this is good. Keep going.”

He chuckles a little. “As you wish, m’am.”

“Hey, what are you doing after this? We should hang out, watch a movie in my room or something,” she says, turning her head to the right so she could see him.

He takes a while to answer, finishing his ministrations on her shoulders and circling around so he could be in front of her. “Umm, Emmeline invited me to a sort-of-party on team Canada’s headquarters,” her face falls a little at that. She doesn’t know why she’s still surprised. “But I can ditch that and we can totally stay in and watch something,” he offers when he sees the look on her face.

She fights to put a convincing smile on. “No! You should totally go,” he doesn’t look the slightest bit convinced, so she reinforces it. “I mean it! I’ll just ask Mary or Dorcas instead, it’s okay.”

“Okay, if you’re sure…”

“I am, I really am,” it hurts to smile.

The conversation is cut short when McGonagall announces the end of the five-minute break, calling them back into action.

It’s another hour before Minerva considers the routine satisfying, and the only thing Lily wants is to take a steaming hot shower and bury herself into her bed.

They take off their skating blades and grab their gym bags before heading for the exit, walking side by side. Emmeline is already waiting for James when they open the doors, and it hurts Lily to see him walk off with her.

Maybe Marlene was right.

* * *

She ends up spending the night alone in her bedroom, not really feeling like calling her friends after all.

The sadness she felt when she saw James walking away with Emmeline morphs into anger. It’s not even _about_ Emmeline, really.

It’s just that this is supposed to be their last Olympics, their last year in competition. They were supposed to go through this together, like they always have. Before they got here, he took any and every opportunity to argue against stopping, begging her to reconsider.

Well, he doesn’t seem to care much about that - or her, for that matter - now. They were supposed to go through this together, but instead the only time she’ll see him is when they’re practicing. They hardly ever spend time together outside of the rink.

So when she arrives at the rink the next day, she treats him like most ice dancers treat their partners. With professionalism.

She doesn’t chat with him before they begin practice. In fact, by the time he arrives, she’s already begun warming up, doing laps around the ice. He joins her with his usual “hey, Lils” and she speeds up with nothing but a curt “good morning” thrown his way.

He frowns and catches up with her. “Lils?” her only response is a hum of acknowledgement. “Is something wrong?” his hands fidget at his side, as though he has to physically hold back from holding her.

She barely glances at him when she answers. “No, I’m just _focused_ , you know,” she sees McGonagall and Remus arrive at the boards and heads in their direction without another word, leaving James even more confused.

After they’ve gone through the critical routine points, the skaters take centre ice and wait for the music to start. Lily’s determined to get everything right, letting the character take over while they dance.

It’s harder than she expected, her being in the mood she’s in. She realises she wasn’t lying when she told that reporter that the song was easy to relate for her- for _them_.

McGonagall only has to correct a few minor position mistakes and she feels confident that they’re just about ready to go, but of course she’ll make them do it a couple more times just to be sure.

They’re going through the routine one last time, readying themselves for one of their spins when the door suddenly opens loudly and they lose their grip on each other, luckily sliding out of reach of each other before any accidents could happen.

Four heads turn in the door’s direction and Emmeline stands there with an apologetic expression on her face. “Sorry, the door was stuck and…” she trails off, blushing under the four stares.

Lily rolls her eyes. “Deal with it,” she says to James before skating to the boards. “Are we done? I need to rest for tomorrow and we’ve already done this a thousand times,” McGonagall nods and dismisses her to the locker room.

Meanwhile, James is already at the opposite side of the boards. “What the hell, Emmeline?” he struggles to keep his voice low. “We’ve got blades under our feet, you can’t scare us like that!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I called you and you weren’t picking up so I figured you were at practice and I wanted to see you skate and-”

“Emmeline,” he interrupts, taking a deep breath and grabbing a handful of his hair. “This is our final practice before our performance tomorrow. A gold medal performance. Do you understand that?” she nods, he eyes wide. “What if I’d surprised you in the middle of one of your jumps and you’d broken a bone? What then?”

“Okay, that’s enough. I understand,” she says in a quiet voice. “I’m gonna leave now.”

James knows she hadn’t meant to scare them, and he knows she’s waiting for him to stop her from leaving. But he doesn’t. Lily could’ve been seriously hurt and he could never live with himself if that happened because of him.

He heads for the locker room to check on her.

* * *

As soon as Lily puts on her blade guards, she stomps over to the locker room and sits on one of the benches. She starts to furiously pull at her shoelaces and rips off her skates from her feet.

She knows she has no real right to be angry at James. At least the rational part of her knows this, but she’s not feeling very rational at the moment. She fights angry tears as she takes off her sweaty shirt and blindly pulls a sweatshirt over her head.

It’s only when she goes to the sink to splash some water on her face that she realises what she chose to wear. It’s one of James’ Puddlemore United jumpers. She remembers she stole it from him when they were eighteen, when they’d lost a competition and went out for pizza in the middle of the night.

They discovered then that Moscow was a cold city, and of course it started snowing and they almost got hypothermia because they were dumb and didn’t think it would be _that_ cold in fucking _Russia_ in the middle of winter. But James has always been _James_ and he turned the situation around, making snow angels in the middle of a park while she almost died of laughter when he only managed to get his clothes all dirty with mud.

It clashes horribly with her red hair, and it lost his scent years ago, but it brings back memories of a simpler time. Before the Olympics, before they became so messy. She wishes she could go back. Back then, she’d already thought they’d gone through a lot. That was six years ago.

She shakes her head and opens the tap, feeling the freezing water hit her skin when she splashes it on her face. It doesn’t make her feel better at all. She finishes stuffing her things on her gym bag and hoists it over her shoulder when the door opens and James makes a beeline to her.

She speaks before he has the chance to. “Where’s your girlfriend?” she looks him straight in the eye and he frowns, genuinely confused.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he says matter-of-factly. “I’ve only known her for like a week, Lily.”

“Really? ‘Cause it feels like a lifetime,” she snaps back sharply.

His frown deepens and he takes a step back. “What _is_ it with you today?”

She lets out a dry laugh. “ _Me?_ How about we talk about you, huh?”

“What about me?”

“Oh, just how we only see each other when we’re in practice? Or when you blow me off constantly to spend your time with that Vance girl?” he opens his mouth but she lifts a finger to cut him off. “Whatever happened to ‘we’re doing this together’?”

“We- we _are_ , Lily,” he doesn’t understand what’s happening. Why she chose to do this now, a day before their free skate.

“Really? ‘Cause I’ve been feeling pretty abandoned this whole week,” she can’t cry, not right now. “A week ago you were begging me to reconsider retirement, and now it looks like you can barely wait to get rid of me.”

His eyes search her face, as they always do when they’re not understanding each other. Her eyes, he just needs her eyes. But even though she’s right there, it doesn’t feel like she is. “Why didn’t you say something sooner, then? Why wait until today?”

“Oh, I didn’t want to interrupt the lovebirds,” she’s still using her sarcastic voice and he hates it so much.

“Cut the crap, Lily,” he hardens his voice a little, tired of being beaten up. “Just say what you want to say already.”

“Yeah? Alright, then,” she squares her shoulders, lifting her chin up. “Do you remember the last time you mixed feelings with a skating season? A skating final?” it’s a low blow, and she knows it. The minute she sees the flicker of pain in his eyes, she wants to take it back.

“Really? You’re going there?” he wants to hate her, oh how he does.

She doesn’t back down. “I just think you should consider other people’s feelings every once in a while.”

He throws his hands up exasperatedly. “What the hell does that mean, Lily?” he all but screams.

“Me, James! _Me!_ ” she matches his tone. “Did you think about me? At all?” she hates it that her voice cracks and she can’t cry, she can’t.

He just stares at her for a while, still searching her face, looking for her eyes. She’s almost there, the wall she put up almost completely down. “Lily, what-”

She blinks and just like that the wall is back up. “Stop. Forget about it.”

“No, Lily. Please, just talk to me,” he steps in front of her when she tries to sidestep him.

She looks up at him. “Just please forget I said anything. I’ll see you tomorrow before the final.”

He stays silent as she finally manages to sidestep him and leave through the door. James stares at the place she was standing in for a few moments, trying to put his feelings, his thoughts in order. Just when he thinks he’s got them all figured out, she goes and pulls the whole fucking world from under his feet.

He doesn’t want to leave this conversation for tomorrow, the chance for disaster is too big. He sits on the bench and practically tears his skates off his feet, leaving them on the floor and sprinting for the exit in his socks. _Maybe she hasn’t left yet_ , he thinks. Her name is already halfway up his throat when he throws the doors open and looks around for her.

The last thing he sees is her red hair disappearing inside a car.

* * *

Lily saw him, of course she did. When doesn’t she?

She wants to yell at the cab driver to stop the car. She wants to open the door and run to him and apologize for being horrible. She wants to tell him every damn thought running through her head, even though she knows she would sound crazy.

She doesn’t do any of those things, she just sits there looking at the rearview mirror and hates herself. She hates herself because she knows she’s a coward, and selfish, and a hypocrite.

She has no right to demand anything from him. To demand that he’s supposed to wait around for her to change her mind and fall in love with him. Christ, she has no right at all to demand love from him.

She knows he loves her, she’s not stupid. It’s the _in_ part that scares her. She waited nearly ten years to realise she’s in love with him, and that’s her own fault.

The first thing she does when she gets to her room is get her scrapbook from the bottom of her big suitcase. Because of course she’s been doing this scrapbook for the last eight years, gathering all sorts of photos and little memories of them over the years.

The tears start coming as soon as she opens the cover and sees the first page. It’s their first photo together, and she laughs through the tears as she remembers the day their parents made their partnership official. She looks so angry and he looks so smug, it’s almost comic.

She flips through the pages and watches the years pass by, seeing James and her grow up right in front of her own eyes. She fingers the white ribbon she wore on her hair when they won their first Junior Worlds, the frayed fabric pinned beside a picture of them mid-performance.

She laughs again when she reads the little note attached by a picture from one of their many photoshoots. ‘hey, evans. you don’t look half bad today ;)’ is scribbled in his messy handwriting, and he’s such a ridiculous idiot for using emojis in handwritten notes.

She continues to flip through the pages until she reaches the last one. The whole page is already decorated, the only part missing is the square in the middle of it. It’s reserved for their podium picture in their last Olympics, and she puts her hand over the empty space, wondering if they’ll even get one.

She closes the scrapbook, tossing it aside and flopping down on the bed. A few pictures get loose from inside the book and scatter on the carpeted floor. She looks at the memories strewn around her and a few sobs make their way up her throat.

Her phone starts buzzing on the bedside table and James’ goofy face appears on the screen. She lets it ring until it goes to voicemail, and a few moments later the screen lights up again to indicate that a new voice message has arrived.

Before she loses the little courage she has, she leans over to snatch the phone and clicks on the notification before the screen goes dark again. She puts the phone on her ear and James’ voice reaches her.

“Lily, please pick up,” he sounds slightly winded. “You know we can’t skate like this, it’ll be shitshow. Please, Lils. Please just talk to me,” his voice cracks a little and she feels even guiltier.

The line goes dead and she wants to call him back, she really does. But she can’t talk to him in this state, because nothing makes sense and she’s too scared to say anything.

She needs a distraction. She needs to think about something else and she needs to stop crying.

She needs to figure out what the fuck she’s doing.

* * *

James, unsurprisingly, can’t sleep at all that night. Which sucks, ‘cause he has an Olympic final right after noon.

After tossing and turning all night, he looks at the clock and groans at the time. He gives up on sleeping altogether and gets up, putting on his team UK sweats and heading to the dining hall to get some late breakfast.

He’s just sat down on an empty table to eat his banana yogurt when Sirius slides up in the booth in front of him and just stares at him with an amused expression.

James frowns and looks down at himself, checking if he didn’t have his shirt inside out or something like that. “Uh… why are you looking at me like that?” he asks when he comes to the conclusion that everything looks normal.

“Nothing, just waiting for you to tell me what happened between you and Lily.”

“How do you know anything happened at all?” James raises an eyebrow.

His best friend rolls his eyes. “Either something happens or someone hacked into Lily’s twitter account.”

James’ confused expression doesn’t fade as he fishes his phone out of his pocket and opens the app and searches for Lily’s profile.

“Her last post was before we got here, what are you talking about?” he says after a few seconds.

Sirius leans forward, grabbing the phone and tapping it a couple of times, ignoring James’ attempts at getting his phone back.

“Wait a second,” he lifts one finger without looking up. “Wait… yep, there it is,” he turns the phone in James’ direction, showing a tweet with pictures of him and Lily and him and Emmeline.

James cocks his head to the side to look at Sirius. “So? What does that prove?”

Sirius lets out an exasperated breath and shoves the phone into James’ hand. “Read it, and then scroll down some more.”

James sighs and looks down at the phone in his hand. It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, just some fans giving their opinions on his and Lily’s relationships.

 **@jamesandlily:** _look at the way he looks at emm*line and the way he looks at lily! no comparison #jilyforever #emmeLAMES_

Below the tweet are two photos, side by side. The first one is a picture of him talking to Emmeline at Marlene’s game, and she’s talking excitedly about something while he listens patiently, but barely looks at her. The second one is a random shot of him and Lily during an interview, and they’re both looking at each other and smiling softly, like they have a secret no one else knows about.

He continues scrolling, quickly reading the tweets and replies from the fans.

 **@evansandpotter:** _GOD, lily must be feeling devastated seeing james with that girl_

 **@lilypotter13:** _@ james potter wyd with that girl man? lily’s right there_

That last one is followed by a slightly blurry shot of James talking to Emmeline with his back turned towards Lily at Sirius’ game.

He hands the phone back to Sirius. “Again: what does that prove?” he asks, starting to get annoyed at all the suspense his friend is making. “This is just internet stuff, the fans do it all the time.”

“You were going through Lily’s likes on twitter, actually,” Sirius says smugly, leaving James at a loss of words. “Yeah, shit just hit the fan. Your fans are freaking out about this.”

James taps the notification bar and feels his jaw start to drop. “My mentions are all over the place,” he looks up to Sirius before looking back down at his phone. “Shit, I gotta go talk to Lily.”

“Before or after your appointment with the physiotherapist? Isn’t that in, like, 10 minutes?” Sirius says looking at an imaginary watch on his wrist.

James checks the time on his phone and curses, turning on his heel and speeding back to his room before Madam Pomfrey, his physiotherapist, gets there and gives him a lecture on punctuality.

He silently curses McGonagall for making separate appointments for him and Lily.

* * *

James spends the entire session reaching for his phone and barely paying attention to the exercises. Madam Pomfrey is on the verge of killing James when she finally dismisses him.

As soon as she gathers her equipments and leaves the room, he rushes to his phone and dials Lily’s number again, feeling his heart sink with every second she doesn’t pick up.

Meanwhile, Marlene stares at Lily expectantly from her place on the bed beside her friend. “You’re not gonna get that?”

Lily is decidedly _not_ looking at her buzzing phone on the bed, and waits until the buzzing stops before answering. “No, he knows where to find me,” she says with a sigh. “I have to focus on our performance today.”

Marlene raises her eyebrows at Lily. “You _do_ remember the last time you skated like this, right?” Lily only throws her a sideways glance, a warning in her eyes. “I know it was like eight years ago, but I thought you wouldn’t want to risk it again,” Marlene goes on in spite of Lily’s expression.

Lily stays silent for a few seconds before sighing and turning to look at her friend. “It’s better this way,” she does her best to sound sure of it, and Marlene does her best not to look incredulous.

Marlene throws her hands up and prepares to get up from the bed. “Okay, it’s your call,” Lily looks at Marlene with a questioning stare and the latter pauses on the way out. “You need to think and I need to go to the gym so I can make it back in time to watch you two doofuses skate.”

Lily only nods in goodbye and waits until the door closes behind Marlene  to shift her eyes down to her phone. She stares at it for so long she actually loses focus and starts to let her mind drift off. Just as she begins to let herself think about the possibility of calling James back, her phone starts vibrating again and startles her.

She jerks back into reality and grabs her phone, answering it without checking for the caller. “Potter, for fuck’s sake,” she starts with a low voice, “if you want to talk to me, just come to my room and do it. We can’t do this over the phone,” she waits for the sound of his voice to come but the other end of the line remains silent. Just as she’s about to start talking again, a smooth voice floats into her ear.

“Jesus, Lily. What did I ever do to you?”

Lily frowns and takes the phone out of her ear to look at the screen, finding Marlene’s bright smile and blue eyes staring back at her. “Marls? What the hell?”

“I was just calling to ask if I forgot my charger in your room, no need to attack me like that, you know,” Lily rolls her eyes at Marlene’s tone as she turns her head from one side to the other to look for the charger.

“No, Mar. I don’t see it here,” Lily says when she’s finally done a full visual swipe of the room.

“Okay, then,” Marlene says but doesn’t hang up.

“ _What_ , Mckinnon?” Lily asks in an impatient voice.

“Well… nothing. Just wondering whether you’re actually gonna tell James that or what.”

Lily sighs and closes her eyes. “Like I said, he knows where to find me and I’m not doing this over the phone. I’ve got to concentrate.”

Marlene hums and sighs dramatically. “Okay, then. You call the shots, right? Alright, I’m gonna go now,” she says. “Think about it, and try not to panic, okay? Love you, bye.”

Lily mumbles a reply before hanging up and sighs before getting up and grabbing her little notepad on the bedside table. She starts going through her checklist, checking her bag for all of her competition essentials. She does it four times before finally admitting to herself that she’s procrastinating.

She just has to keep her mind occupied until they get on the ice, no big deal. Focus on the routine and win gold. Easy enough.

* * *

James gives up on calling Lily after about six tries.

He knows she tends to run away from feelings, and it’s better if he doesn’t pressure her about it. Especially right before their olympic final.

So he focuses on their performance, and does his best to act normal around Lily when they go to the arena. He can see how nervous she is, like she expects him to corner her right then and there to demand she talk to him.

The whole process of getting ready seems to take twice as long to go by, but suddenly it’s like he blinked and they’re being ushered to the mixed area, standing by the boards side by side.

James can feel the nervousness and agitation radiating off of her the whole time, and it’s only making _him_ anxious too. He takes her hand and gingerly turns her body towards his, ignoring the slight jerk in her arm at the contact.

She hesitates to meet his eyes at first, but his voice visibly relaxes her. “Lily, look at me,” she looks up at him, meeting his unreserved hazel eyes.

His gaze disarms her, and before she can think, she’s already opening her mouth. “James, I’m so sorry-” is all she manages to get out before he interrupts her.

“Lily, no,” her mouth is still half open when she frowns up at him. “I want you to forget about the last 24 hours, okay?” he squeezes her hand just a little bit, and she squeezes his right back. “We can deal with that later, but right now it’s just us. You and me,” his eyes are fixated in hers, and he wills himself to put every feeling he has right there for her to see.

“You and me,” she echoes, feeling like, for the first time in what feels like years, they’re really together. Suddenly she can breathe again.

“Alright?” he asks, needing her to confirm that she’s okay. She nods and manages to smile a little at him. “Now close your eyes and listen to the crowd,” he pulls her arm, making her face the boards again.

She closes her eyes and just breathes in the energy of the crowd, feeling every single shout seep into her soul and light her up from the inside. She squeezes James’ hand, asking him if he feels it too. He doesn’t hesitate to squeeze right back, silently telling her that _yes, Lils. I feel it too._

After a while she opens her eyes again to find him looking straight at her. Her heart starts beating fast and she embraces the feeling, smiling at him and squeezing his hand one more time. She doesn’t know how she ever thought that feeling of abundance she got before stepping on the ice came from anywhere but the boy standing next to her.

“Thanks, James,” she pulls him closer, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face on his chest.

He puts his chin on the top of her head, thanking every god in existence for putting this girl into his life. “Anytime, Lils.”

They stay like that for a couple of minutes, just enjoying the familiar feeling of being in each other’s arms and voiding their minds of the tension that settled between them the day before.

James feels a hand on his shoulder and opens his eyes, turning his head to face Remus’ light brown eyes. His friend gives him a little nod and signals in the rink’s direction, indicating that it’s time to begin.

Lily can feel James move during the silent exchange, but she doesn’t give any indication of moving herself, choosing to act oblivious in order to remain comfortably buried in James’ chest. She’s forced out of her position when he moves his hands to her shoulder and lightly pushes her off him.

She can feel his breath on her face when he drops his head to place a kiss on her forehead before grabbing her hand and squeezing it. “Ready, Evans?”

She squeezes his hand right back, giving him one last look before facing the ice. “Ready,” she says determinedly.

Without unclasping their hands, the pair takes off their blade guards and, as one, step on the ice for their final olympic program.

The roar of the crowd slowly backs down in volume as they finish their laps and head for their positions in centre ice.

Lily roots herself to the ice, feeling the familiar cold caress her skin as she fixes her arms and legs into the starting position. She lifts her head, green eyes meeting hazel ones and the intensity of it nearly knocks the breath out of her lungs.

Their hearts beat exactly three times before the soft notes of the piano echo through the arena.

This moment seems to take an eternity to pass, as if the universe is giving them one last chance to memorize the sounds, smells, colours and exact intensity of the electrifying chill that comes before you make a dream come true.

At the same time, it’s as if it was yesterday that that insufferable boy with mischief in his eyes offered her his hand to hold, his shoulder to cry on, his heart to have and all the trust a human being could possibly have in another. It’s the most powerful feeling in the world, truly knowing someone.

With her, James shared pains, took both of their insecurities as his most important enemy and always knew how to make every sad situation just a little less sad.

Lily stares at her partner and best friend one last time, in the most eternal millisecond before the music starts to guide her thoughts, soft piano notes filling the rink, the stands and their hearts. Most of all, she felt grateful for absolutely everything.

Even if her heart breaks in the end, it _has_ been an honour to have all of her firsts - the important ones, at least - with the man who was there for all of the seconds and thirds and everything that came after. And now he’s here for one last dance.

But leaving this situation with a broken heart seems like such a scary option. When she was a kid, Lily witnessed a conversation between her parents and one of her many aunts. The woman had said something like “ _She was his first love, and first loves are always destined to end, that's why it's called a first love._ ” Later that day she asked her mother if one could ever have a single last love, without having the first, as that one was doomed to end. Mrs. Evans laughed and said:

_“You know how you and James sometimes practice on a frozen lake and some parts the ice is thinner and begins to break?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“When that happens, you can either stay together with your hands clasped and try to find a safer spot or let go of each other because you're lighter apart and have a smaller chance of falling, right? Love is like that lake and there are some people that let go of each other when they cross it, just as there are some that stick together and never let go.”_

_“James would never let go of me, he's too stubborn,” she'd said, still stuck on the literal part of the explanation. Her mother smiled again._

_“Then you have nothing to worry about. Your first love might very well be your last.”_

_She considered what she heard and suddenly got horrified._

_“It's not gonna me him, right? James?”_

_“I don't know, honey.”_

_“Ew, if it is I won't kiss him until i find someone better, I don't want a boy that puts toads in my locker.”_

It just happened that there's no such thing as someone better than James. And the thin ice had never seemed so scary.

Oblivious to these thoughts, James winks at her mid-step, and the corners of his mouth lift just a little bit, a secretive smirk meant just for her. As always, he’s taking the sad part off competing for the last time.

So much of their routines is making everything seem effortless and fluid when everything is so intricate and delicate. And wasn’t that a metaphor for their whole relationship?

Of course this didn’t mean that their relationship was fake or forced. Every moment between them was genuine. But during their seventeen years together, there just seemed to always be some unspoken thing between them. And every time they got close to it, they took several steps backwards.

And Lily is tired of stepping back.

The transition is soft and almost imperceptible, but Lily’s trained ears pick up the slight shift in the melody, preparing for the lyrical part of the song.

_Close your eyes, in shallow light_

_And lately I want to dream_

_Will you stay with me_

_Or turn and leave?_

James’ fingers tighten around her, silently begging Lily to stay with him and never leave his side. It’s such a familiar feeling, being in his arms. She wonders how she ever thought she could live without him.

_What if love is a feeling to believe in?_

_What if love is a feeling_

_That brings us all down to our knees?_

_Is that so wrong?_

The lyrics seep into Lily’s soul, truly making sense to her now. She’s looking at James and it’s like she’s seeing him for the first time. This wonderful, wonderful boy. What’s wrong with loving him?

_If I had to fight and stand alone_

_And keep you right_

_I would keep your heart and hold it tight_

_With all my mind_

She thinks about how he was always there for her, even when she gave him every reason to abandon her. Still, he just kept supporting her, protecting her, lifting her up in every sense of the word.

 _What if love is a feeling to believe in?_ __  
_What if love is a feeling_ __  
_That brings us all down to our knees?_  
Is that so wrong?

Lily admits her defeat, at last dropping to her knees and surrendering herself to her feelings. James follows her movements, never taking his eyes off her as he grips her waist and glues their bodies together, his free hand finding its way into her hair and bringing their foreheads together.

They’re breathless, and ecstatic, and the crowd is loud and she can’t stop smiling and all she can think about is _James James James._

It’s impulsive and sudden, but Lily’s tired of her damn impulse control stopping her from doing what she wants. Their lips meet and it’s a familiar and foreign feeling at the same time.

Seventeen years. Seventeen years learning every curve, edge and crook in his body. Seventeen years doing nothing but build intimacy and knowing each other in such a deep level that no one else could ever begin to understand.

But this. _This_ part of him was uncharted territory and she wanted to send the universe to hell, drag him to a dark corner and explore this part of him until she died of happiness.

The kiss is sudden and quick and it leaves James’ in such a state that by the time he finally begins to tighten his arms around Lily, she's already pulling away and once again fixing her stare in his eyes.

She's right in front of him and his eyes search her face a thousand times for some sort of answer. His brain frantically taking in every single small thing about this moment, cataloguing it all in a special folder so he'll remember everything about this.

From the sweat in her skin to the matted hair glued to her neck to the look of sheer _happiness_ on her face. He wants to remember it all until the day he dies.

She starts to get up, never losing her grip on him. He follows her, still bewildered and wide-eyed. “Tell me this wasn't just some way to give the audience a grand finale.”

“I mean, I _could_ say that, but then I would be lying,” he still looks dumbstruck, and she traces her fingers from his wild hair to his clean shaven cheek. “James, I don't want to lie anymore,” his eyes are begging her to tell him the truth.

So she does.

“I love you, James Potter,” she says after a deep breath. “I'm in love with you and I'm terrified that it's too late and I've already lost you. I can't-”

He finally snaps himself out of his state of shock, and he does the only possible thing he could do at that moment: he grabs Lily's face and kisses her.

Lily can't help but laugh into the kiss, grabbing the back of his neck and burying her hands in his impossible hair, bringing him as close as he could possibly be to her body.

Reality seems to finally dawn on them, and they remember where they are and the sounds come crashing down on the little bubble they share.

The Olympics.

Right.

Their final performance.

Of course.

James winks at Lily, trying to act cool but the effect is lost on the huge smile taking up his entire face and being. He grabs her hand and twirls her, the pair taking the final bows of their career.

He pulls her to him for a final kiss before leaving the ice, but she stops him when he starts to skate forward.

“Hey, aren't you gonna say something?” she feels stupid for feeling insecure. He just kissed her - twice -  in front of the whole world and she still needs some sort of verbal confirmation.

His smile gets impossibly wider, and he knows damn well that they're taking too much time and the other skaters must hate them, but all he cares about is this wonderful girl in front of him.

So he stops and takes his time, lifting her head so he can look straight into her eyes. “Lils, I don't know how to say this, but… I've been in love with you for more years than I can count in my two hands. I've been loving you for so long that the thought of loving someone else is completely insane to me,” there are tears gathering in her eyes, and he lightly brushes his thumb in her cheek when one of them escapes. “It’s _you_ , Lily. It's you and me and nothing else matters.”

He can't contain the tears gathering in his eyes, and soon they're both crying and hugging and kissing and they can hear the crowd and- is that Sirius’ voice screaming at them?

And it's perfect.

 _You and me_ , they’d promised. And it’s simple as breathing. You just have to _not_ think about the mechanics of being James and Lily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew, i can't believe it's over  
> i started writing this fic back in march, and it's the first one i ever wrote in my life. i had a big ass writer's block that lasted for MONTHS and i want to thank each and every one of you who read this, left kudos, commented and i want to give a special thanks to whoever nominated this for the jily fandom awards. really, thank you SO MUCH.  
> you guys don't know how happy i am rn dhsghjkfhd  
> anyways, i hope you enjoyed it and i hope the ending is a good one for this rollercoaster fic.  
> please tell me what you think!!!
> 
>  
> 
> PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DINA CONSIDER THIS YOU GIFT, ANGEL! I LOVE YOU!


End file.
